No one is perfect, and we all do things both to ourselves and others who aren’t very kind sometimes. That being said, there are certain things that you should never tolerate – both from yourself and from others.
12 Things You Should Never Tolerate
From time to time, we all do things we are not proud of. The people closest to us also sometimes hurt us. There are some behaviors, however, that you should never tolerate. If you notice them in yourself, you should seek help to overcome them. If they are being done to you constantly, you need to reevaluate that situation.
1. People Pleasing
It is a natural human instinct to want to make the people around us happy. Generally, most of us are reasonably conflict-averse, too. While these are all good things, people-pleasing can become toxic to our own happiness and wellbeing. Sometimes you can take this so far that you don’t even know what you want anymore. Don’t be afraid to speak up about your wants, needs, and desires. Remember that what you need and want is no less important than someone else. In order to live a happy life, you need to make sure you are taken care of just as much as someone else. (1)
2. Negative Self-Talk
I would wager a bet that everyone is guilty of this one from time to time. The thing is, just because you make a mistake doesn’t mean you are stupid. Just because you do something that offends someone or even hurts someone doesn’t mean you are a terrible person. We all make mistakes sometimes. Beating yourself up about it – telling yourself you’re an idiot, you’re hideous, or that no one likes you and that they shouldn’t – robs you of your own joy. If you make an error, own up and apologize, and then move forward. The world is full of people who will tear you down and make you feel bad about yourself – you don’t have to be one of them. (2)
3. Unsupportive Friends
There is a difference between a friend who provides constructive criticism or a different perspective for your benefit and one who never supports your dreams. They never show up when you need them to, they make fun of your goals and hopes for the future, and they are simply super negative towards every part of your life. Ditch these friends – you are far better off without them. (3)
4. Staying In Your Comfort Zone
If you stay where you’ve always been and do what you’ve always done, you’ll never grow. Yes, stepping outside of what you know, challenging yourself, and trying something new is uncomfortable. However, when you do these things, you have experiences that change you and make you a better person. You learn, you grow, and you become more open-minded. You also set yourself up for success and eventually get to where you want to be in life. You’re not getting anywhere fast if you stay still. (4)
5. Following The Status Quo
Some of us have goals that fit in with the traditional idea of a life path. For many of us, however, that is very unsatisfying. If you simply follow the path you’ve been told to follow without questioning anything or thinking about what you really want, you will wake up one day in life you’re not happy with. Don’t simply do something because everyone else is doing it. Think for yourself and go after your goals – even if they aren’t what we’ve usually considered “normal.” (5)
6. Working A Job You Hate
Contrary to popular belief, no – you don’t have to love your job. You shouldn’t, however, despise it. If you dread going to work every single day, count down the seconds until lunch and then hometime, and are depressed every Sunday evening, you need to make a change. We spend a huge amount of our adult lives working, so find something that interests you and where you don’t mind going five days a week. Life is too short to spend most of it miserable. (6)
7. Neglecting Your Health
Many of us feel invincible when we are young, as if nothing bad can happen to us. Unfortunately, if you spend your younger years abusing your body and not giving it what it needs (healthy food, exercise, rest, stress management, etc.), it will catch up to you. You will then spend the second half of your life battling aches, pains, and the inability to do what you once enjoyed – or worse. Take care of your health now so that you can continue to lead a full life later. (7)
8. Putting Money First
Yes, money is important. Our world runs on it, and we need to afford basic necessities and have a bit of fun. That being said, don’t allow money to be your primary motivation. When money becomes the most important thing in our lives, we forget to have fun, neglect the people important to us, and get to the end of our lives void of human connection and happy memories and experiences. (8)
9. Insecurity Brought On By Other’s Actions
Our partners, parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, and more can all do things to make us feel insecure about who we are and what we are capable of. Don’t allow this to continue. People who make you feel this way about yourself are not people you should have or even want in your life. Cut them out. (9)
10. Too Much Jealousy
Jealousy is a natural human emotion, and we experience it in many types of relationships. While a bit of jealousy is normal (and possibly good?), it robs us of joy when it becomes too much. In romantic relationships, it makes us distrustful and can even lead to an eventual breakup. If you find yourself feeling extremely jealous, ask yourself why. Once you’ve figured out the reason behind it, you will be better able to resolve it and move forward without it. (9)
11. People Who Marginalize Your Thoughts And Feelings
Your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and emotions are valid. Anyone who marginalizes them is not someone you should spend too much time with. These people can come in the form of those who “always have it worse than you,” but they can also come in the form of toxic positivity. These are the ones who constantly try to force you to look on the bright side in tough situations rather than feeling and processing your emotions. (10)
12. Projects and Gaslights
Projection is a favorite tactic of narcissists. Rather than owning their own feelings and shortcomings and taking responsibility for them, they project them onto you. This means that they will often accuse you of the very thing they are doing. Gaslighting is a power move. They know what your insecurities are and use them against you. They will often say you did or didn’t do something, and when you deny it they’ll just tell you that you don’t remember but they “would never forget something like that”. These are behaviors that you should not tolerate and not keep these people around. (10)
The Bottom Line
There are many toxic behaviors that we experience, both from others and that we express ourselves. Take control over your life and make the changes necessary to get rid of these behaviors or people. These are all things that you should never tolerate, both within yourself and from others.
- “Why you shouldn’t be a people pleaser.” Daily Star. Mushfiqur Rahman Shanto. April 5, 2018.
- “The Toxic Effects of Negative Self-Talk.” Very Well Mind. Elizabeth Scott. February 25, 2020.
- “7 questions that’ll help you decide whether or not to break up with a friend for good.” Business Insider. Ellen Hendriksen. June 11, 2020.
- “16 Reasons Why You Should Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone Now.” Forbes. Ann Latham. April 11, 2018.
- “Why Challenging The Status Quo Will Make You A Better Leader And How To Do It.” Co Schedule. Jordan Loftis.
- “Why You Really Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Quit a Job You Hate.” The College Investor. Robert Farrington. February 11, 2020
- “Can I Reverse Years of Neglect?” WebMD
- “Money Isn’t Everything! These Values Matter.” The Cents of Money. Linda. February 10, 2021.
- “Four Feelings You Should Never Tolerate in a Healthy Relationship.” Good Men Project. Carrie Wynn. January 22, 2021.
- “7 Toxic Behaviors You Should Never Tolerate.” Psych Central. Peg Streep. February 21, 2018.