Dating could often feel like a vicious cycle. It all starts with the hopeful and yet grueling first date, not knowing how far this relationship will go. Sometimes it ends quickly; sometimes, it drags on to a heart-breaking end. Whichever the case, you end up where you started: at date number one with a new person. After a while, these first dates become more grueling than hopeful. You want to find love, but you only find loneliness. However, there is reason to hold out hope you will find the right person at the right time.
Still Single and Searching
Often in the roller coaster of relationships, we tend to fixate on the “right person” part instead of the right time. After all, most people consider what attributes they’d like their romantic partner to have and what their interactions would look like. We assume every time could be the right time without giving it more thought. However, timing should not be undervalued.
Sometimes, there are lessons we have to learn to make us ready for the right person. There is baggage we need to discard before the relationship of our dreams. After all, consider what went wrong in previous relationships. It’s possible that because of past trauma, we feel uncomfortable with emotional intimacy, or we fear abandonment, so we push away people before they have a chance to hurt us. Single and searching is the perfect time to make ourselves happy with ourselves. Then we’ll be able to be happy with the right person whenever they enter our lives — or we’ll realize they were there all along.
Know that there is a plan for you. Love can happen at any time during your journey of life, and yours could be just around the corner. But you may have to wait for the final pieces to fall into place before the stars align in your love life. Perhaps you need to make that bold career switch you were dreaming of, or you need to join that workshop you’ve always wanted to try.
The Right Person at the Right Time
When the day comes, you’ll look back at all of the pieces and see the entire puzzle. You will understand why you had to wait so long and endure all of those previous grueling relationships. But with this new understanding, you will be grateful because you will finally realize how important the timing was. Many things needed to happen before you met the right person, and this new love will make the wait worthwhile.
Don’t let others make you feel there’s a deadline for finding the right person. It’s okay to be the last one of your friend group to enter a long-term relationship. It doesn’t matter that people younger than you are already getting married. You have your own journey, and you will find the right person at the right time. And you are strong and worthy until then.
However, you may not feel strong and worthy all the time, and that’s okay. The wait is tough and could seem endless. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s there, through the fog. Just remember that it’s better to be alone with yourself than lonely in a relationship. Don’t follow the temptation to get a partner to avoid being single. Instead, create an identity that doesn’t rely on anyone else. There are so many qualities that create your entity, and they all have much to be proud of. You don’t need validation from anyone else because you’re worthwhile, single, or in a relationship.
Your idea of the perfect person may change, and that doesn’t mean that you’re lowering your standards. As you learn from past relationships and heal from past trauma, you’ll discover what you truly value, and that might be different than what you originally thought.
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The Plan Will Fall Into Place
In fact, at the “right time,” you might be surprised by this new and unexpected love. And despite this, there is physical attraction, flowing communication, and undeniable chemistry. They may not understand your passions, but they support them 100%. They can understand you in a way no one ever had. Most of all, their love gives so much more than you thought you ever deserved.
The road may be rough, but it’s worth traveling. One day, the puzzle will be completed, and you will find the right person at the right time, and you will understand and feel grateful for the wait. The longer the search, the more worthwhile the reward.
So when the going gets rough, don’t fret over calculations about relationship deadlines or statistics about finding love. Know that the plan is unfolding all around you, and soon you will reach that light at the end of the tunnel.
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- “Dating Tips for Finding the Right Person.” Help Guide. Jeanne Segal, Ph.D., Lawrence Robinson, and Greg Boose. December 2020.
- “4 Reasons Not to Settle in a Relationship.” Psychology Today. Juliana Breines Ph.D. April 3, 2014
- “Yes, You Can Find Late Life Love.” AARP. Sarah Elizabeth Adler. February 14, 2020.