A fierce woman is one who does what she wants and doesn’t worry about what other people think. She has accepted herself for who she is: The positive and negative traits. Becoming a fierce woman, however, is not as easy as it seems. It takes a lot of self-work and is an ongoing process. With practice, however, you can become one.
How To Become A Fierce Woman
In a world where the number of likes and followers you have on social media is becoming increasingly important, learning to accept yourself without outside validation is getting harder and harder. There are many people on social media who appear super confident and as if they love who they are, but in reality, they’ve based so much of their self-esteem on other people’s opinions. A true fierce woman doesn’t need likes and comments – she knows who she is and doesn’t feel the need to seek validation from anyone but herself.
The key to achieving this is self-acceptance. This goes beyond self-esteem, which tends to focus on positive traits, and also means that you accept the negative aspects of yourself, as well. When you embrace everything about yourself, you release yourself from the constant pressure to be perfect and please everyone else. You can instead focus on your own life, growth, and happiness.
Learn To Validate Yourself
Validating yourself rather than seeking it out from others is tough. We’ve been conditioned from a very young age that “fitting in” is important. Fierce women, however, don’t fit in – they stand out. However, to do that, you have to give yourself permission to be different and do what you want to do rather than what society and your peers tell you that you should be doing. To do this, you have to first set an intention.
“If I set my intention that a life with self-acceptance is far better than a life of self-hatred then I begin a chain reaction within my being geared to a life of peace,” says psychotherapist Jeffery Sumber.
Celebrate Your Strengths
We often focus heavily on our negative traits, meanwhile, we focus on other people’s positive ones. Psychologist John Duffy recommends writing a list of your positive attributes. This can start with simple things, such as “I am a kind person”. As you continue writing, it will be easier to get more specific with them. If needed, you can consult a licensed therapist or a trusted friend or family member to help you.
“Typically, lists evolve as the script loses its strength, and people recognize they are intelligent, and creative, and powerful, and articulate, and so on. Sometimes, we can’t see ourselves until we clear the weeds,” he explains to Psych Central.
Forgive Yourself
We all mess up sometimes – at work, in our relationships, and so on. Many of us tend to dwell on our failures and continuously beat ourselves up about them. Give yourself a break, apologize if something needs to be apologized for, and move on.
“Whether it’s about something you’ve done or a personality quirk that resulted in a social faux pas, it’s important to learn from the mistake, make efforts to grow, and accept that you can’t change the past,” says psychologist Ryan Howes.
Surround Yourself With The Right People
Make sure your circle is a positive one full of people who are striving to be better versions of themselves and who push you to do the same. These are people who lift you up, but at the same time are (gently) honest with you when you mess up.
Be Aware Of Toxic Positivity
The people you surround yourself with should love and accept you for who you are. They should support you and believe in your ability to achieve your goals and dreams. Some people, however, seem positive, but their positivity actually has a negative impact.
These people are the ones who instead of listening to you when you have concerns or are going through something tough, brush you off with an “It could be worse”. This insistence on focusing on the positive aspects of a negative situation creates a feeling of shame around grieving. They will leave you feeling like you shouldn’t be upset, sad, or worried about something simply because other people have problems, too.
Silence Your Inner Critic
You can accept your negative characteristics in a way that is not degrading to your own self-esteem. Speak to yourself as you would to a friend. If your friend made a mistake, you wouldn’t tell them they are dumb or a terrible person. You wouldn’t constantly remind them of their error, either. Instead, you would tell them that, yes, they messed up, but instead help them determine how they could do better next time.
Do What Makes You Happy
Society and the people around you are going to subtly or overtly tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing. They will try to convince you what success means and what you need to be happy. Ultimately, this is entirely up to you. Don’t do anything – a school program, a hobby, and job, a relationship – just because someone else says you should. What is someone else’s version of success and happiness isn’t yours. Do what makes you happy and define success for yourself and yourself only. A fierce woman knows that this can mean being a CEO, a wife or mother, a marathoner, a traveler – whatever it is that brings them joy and fulfillment.
Recognize The Work Will Be Ongoing
Self-acceptance isn’t a final destination, it is a continuous project. Some days will be good days, others will be hard. Give yourself some grace and don’t dwell on it. Take a deep breath and tell yourself some positive affirmations to pull yourself out of the dark spiral of negativity. With practice, it will become easier and easier.
Keep Reading: 5 Reasons Narcissists Can’t Have Intimate Relationships
Sources
- “Therapists Spill: 12 Ways to Accept Yourself.” Psych Central. Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. May 17, 2016
- “The Path to Unconditional Self-Acceptance.” Psychology Today. Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. September 10, 2008.
- “What is toxic positivity?” Medical News Today. Zawn Villines. March 30, 2021
- “7 Tips for Building a Better Body Image as an Adult.” Cleveland Clinic.May 8, 2019.