By Avantika D
It’s only human to nitpick or hold grudges, but finding a rationale behind being careless to a point that it becomes your second nature can be tougher than you think. The heap of resentment on the other end may eventually lead your relationship towards a fall out as minute things often create hollows in relationships that appear strong on the outside only waiting to break apart by the mildest push in the wrong direction.
Have you lost sight of the qualities of your significant other that had once enticed you? If most of your time is consumed in finding flaws in your partner, drawing comparisons with your friends, friends’ partner, or colleagues and discovering the many ways they fall short to others, perhaps you are the one at fault. Nothing sabotages a relationship than comparing your partner’s inadequacies to someone else’s merits.
It certainly sounded sweet when you told him he is your life, but it might turn a li’l strangulating if you take those poetic words too seriously. This goes for both the genders, in fact. Everyone has ambitions to win, your partner is no different. Don’t build your entire life on their continued presence, emotional or physical, or get offended if some of their dreams don’t are exclusive of you. Love needs space to respire, avoid smothering your partner with it.
As humans we are pre-conditioned to prove ourselves right and driven by the idea of winning any and every argument, we seldom entertain that one possibility which might change the cycle of every event – Perhaps we are wrong. The tendency of running away from this notion precludes us from looking at things from the next person’s perspective, understanding their needs, and considering their life experiences – good or bad. Many altercations may dissolve and disappear into thin air only if we cross the mental distances separating us, and stand at their viewpoint.
With growing mediums of communication, we are all guilty of neglecting that one aspect vital for every relationship – communication. We don’t talk anymore (not trying to plagiarize Charlie Puth) but that’s the fact, instead we update statuses. Stuffing feelings and thoughts inside us till negative emotions tear through and land on social media, its high time we gather, is not doing us any good. Things that should be discussed within two, when thrown into the mercy of hundreds to ‘Like’ or ‘Comment’ on, the alarm must go off, and one must get up from one’s slumber – it’s time to log out.
Oversharing positivity and affecting happiness to the external world more than you share it with your special someone can also douse the romance in your life, covertly and gradually. If you would rather post a “Happy Birthday, Hubby” on social media right as midnight strikes, than turn around to wish the man in-person surrounded by the warm confinement of your bedroom without the audience of 700 people you hardly meet, it’s time to revisit your priorities.
Act adult and keep the ‘adults’ out of your relationship. We Indians never grow out of the shadow of our parents, in many ways it’s a blessing, but it’s about time we restrained them from our personal space. We don’t have to rush back to our parents (dial their number if in a different city) every time we fight and fill them in.“No wonder my dad didn’t want me to marry you”, “Mom says you are the shabbiest of all the daughters-in-law in our family – she is right.” and a zillion other comments as such you often blurt out in rage aren’t solving anything more than the damage they are inviting.
While we are discussing parents, let’s also address another unhealthy pattern of our behavior that ruins the concord of our conjugal life. We may be blinded by their virtues but are we mature enough to accept that some of us have not been raised by the sheer embodiment of relationship role models? To emulate the life of your parents is a faulty attempt, to desire your wife’s bearings would reflect your mother’s, to hope your husband would be an archetype of your father’s ways is a fallacious expectation that would not enrich your equation with your partner in any way.
Every relationship is unique like the two people involved in it, to compare it with others wouldn’t take it anywhere. One needs to raise one’s relationship like a child, and attend to it like an elderly; defend it like a soldier guards his country, only then will your love life be an accomplished one.