mother reprimanding daughter
Sean Cate
Sean Cate
December 12, 2023 ·  2 min read

4 Toxic Phrases You’ll Recognize If You Grew Up With An Unloving Mother

Not every woman embraces motherhood, and some people simply don’t know how to show love to their children. Such mothers manage to ruin their children’s self-esteem or psyche, but are they to blame? Sometimes, they weren’t taught affection by their own mothers and this ‘disease’ is passed down for generations.

However, children don’t choose their moms, and we are grown women by now, who are capable of breaking this vicious circle.

Four Toxic Phrases From Unloving Mothers:

1. Big girls don’t cry

It is an equally hurtful thing to hear both at 5 and 35. No matter what happens or how old we are, we want our moms to say:

I’m always there for you. Together, we can handle it. It’s going to be okay.

Even if a mother can’t really help solve the problem, the fact that she is entirely on your side gives you the strength you so desperately need. It is probably much easier to say that ‘big girls don’t cry’ and wave your daughter away. But as a result, the little girl gets used to hiding her sorrows deep inside.

2. Love must be earned

That is, your mother doesn’t love you normally. But as soon as you do the dishes, tidy up, run errands, and behave well, then maybe you will get some motherly love and attention. Love isn’t a bargaining chip. The bar will keep raising, and you can long for your mother’s approval and love forever.

3. There are bad children (meaning that you are one of them)

Such mothers believe that the whole world is black and white. Well-behaving children (meaning convenient for her) are good. Most often, these are neighbors’ boys and girls. And you generally end up in the other category because you’ve done some mischief, stained your dress, or laugh and speak too loudly.

4. Parents need to raise their children, not listen to their nonsense

Some mothers choose the role of a warden rather than confidant. Of course, children need constant supervision; they need an adult to protect them from this world’s dangers. However, this doesn’t exclude having a heart-to-heart with your child. A mother needs to try to understand and relate to her child. Phrases such as, “The other kids don’t want to play with me” are perhaps a trifle for an adult, but can be a real tragedy for a child.

What’s paradoxical is that when we grow up and become parents ourselves, the annoying voice of the toxic mother in our head continues to control our lives. In such situations, stop pitying yourself, turn off this voice, and assume responsibility for your own actions. Now you are in control of your life, and your task is not to allow anyone to poison it – including the ghosts of the past.