When we fall in love with someone, we always want them to be the “end all, be all” of our life. We don’t want to think about every playing the field again, we never want to think about the “dating scene” again–we just want this to be the “forever” kind of love. How do you know, though? How are you able to realize that the person you are with is the person you should be with forever? It’s hard to say. Everyone’s life is incredibly different (in many ways), but there are some universal feelings, lessons, and realizations that you can have while falling in love that makes you stop and realize–”wow, I can truly see myself spending the rest of my life with this person.”
1. You completely trust them, with no strings attached.
When you fall in love with someone, you’re allowing yourself to be vulnerable and open to someone. We’re allowing ourselves to risk being hurt, heartbroken, and devastated if things don’t go as planned. We’re essentially putting our emotional wellbeing and souls into another person’s hands. That’s truly an action that requires the utmost trust and value. If you’re unsure whether or not you can trust your partner, there’s no reason to even picture a future together. You should feel comfortable and at ease when it comes to your life together.
You should never wonder what they’re doing when they’re out if they’re talking to someone else, if they’re texting someone they shouldn’t be. If you ever feel the inclination you should go through their phone, texts, emails, social media–you’re not with the person you deserve to be with. The person you are meant to be with will never, ever give you a reason not to trust them. They will always be honest with you, open with you, and give you every single solitary reason to trust them. If you are uneasy about your love now, think about feeling this way as you get older–with kids involved. You should never live your life on the edge with someone.
2. They make you feel comfortable being exactly who you are.
You should find someone who loves you for who you are–no changes, no criticism. Far too often, we fall in love with people who want to change us or mold us into someone we aren’t. They criticize our weight, our hair color, our quirks we used to completely admire about ourselves–but, have fallen to dislike because someone we care about has pointed them out as “wrong,” or “not good enough.”
Don’t let another person tear you down and make you feel as though you need to change to fit a mold they have inscribed in their mind. If they want someone who fits those roles, let them go find that person. You will find someone one day who loves you for who you are. Your weight, your eye color, your hair color, your snort-laugh, your corny jokes, the way your nose crinkles when you dislike something. The qualities you are given, you take pride in. Never plan a future with someone if they want to change you, you will find yourself living someone else’s life, one which was never yours.
3. You have similar plans for your futures.
When you decide to get serious with someone, you want to make sure that you two have similar wants and desires for your life. For example, if you’re someone who knows they want to get married and have a family, but your partner is positive they don’t want to have kids–ever–it’s a huge dilemma. No matter how much you love someone, you don’t want to sacrifice what you need to best fit their needs.
Sometimes, yes compromise is great for a relationship. Giving up timelines and pressures you put on yourself until your partner is ready is one thing, but giving up something you’ve dreamed about for years, since you were young, just because someone doesn’t want the same things is foolish. You may love someone with all of your heart, but you should never sacrifice exactly what you want just to satisfy them. It hurts, it’s painful, but you will find someone who you are madly in love with who wants the same things you do.
4. You feel fulfilled in every single aspect of your relationship.
Sometimes we fall in love with people who look ideal on paper. They’re stable, they have a great job, they want similar things–it feels like a home run. But, emotionally you could feel as though something is missing. There’s a feeling in the pit of your gut that says: there’s someone else out there who can give me all of this and more. My mother used to tell me when I was younger that someone can love you with every single sense of their soul and being, but, it may not be enough for you.
You may need something more, a deeper emotional connection, someone with a higher intelligence. Whatever you feel is missing in your relationship–face it. Don’t hide from it. If you decide to make a life with someone you are unsatisfied with, that feeling will only manifest until you begin to resent that person, or worse, look for what you’re missing in your relationship outside of the relationship itself.
5. You’ve become a better person since they’ve entered your life.
While it sounds rather obvious, there are relationships that bring toxic factors into our lives and make us a worse person than we were before. If you were someone who was outgoing, social, bubbly, and personable, but you’ve entered a controlling relationship where your partner wants you to always be with them and no one else, you lose who you were and you change for the negative.
You no longer have your own life and see your friends and family–unless, of course, your partner is there–and this makes you become someone who can no longer function on their own. In retrospect, that’s unhealthy. Maybe your partner is into partying and brings unhealthy habits into your world you would have never really tried on your own. There are tons of ways someone can hinder your growth and make you feel “stuck.” You shouldn’t want to be with someone long-term unless they bring out a better version of who you already are. They magnify your strengths, they make you feel good about your weaknesses, they bring forth the true version of who you are.
6. You feel comfortable being independent, outside of the relationship.
When it comes down to your future, you need to be happy. No one is going to make sure that you are happy but you. Even the person you are with, they’re not 100% responsible for your happiness, you are. You need to be comfortable with your life not only in your relationship but outside of it as well. Are you still finding ways to better yourself without your partner? Do you have your own friendships and relationships that don’t involve them? Do you have hobbies you do just for you? When we get serious with someone, we often times suffocate ourselves in this bubble of romance we neglect to remember we need to nurture ourselves as individuals, too.
7. You feel unconditionally loved and appreciated.
Whoever you decide to spend your life with should love you in the fullest extent of the word. You should always feel as though you know they love you and never have to question it. If you are uneasy and unsure if they are true to their word, if they really feel the same way or want the same things as you–it’s going to eat away at you year after year. It goes along with the trust aspect of any relationship, you have to be comfortable in the notion that this relationship is a solid foundation to build a life on. If you are constantly questioning whether or not this person appreciates you and loves you, it’s never going to be solid. You wouldn’t build a house with unsafe tools, don’t build a life on uncertainty.