I’ll give you the secret inside scoop here on the nine personality types and the ways they sabotage Intimacy, Connection, and Love for each one.
These nine Types are found on the Enneagram (a system for spiritual evolution) and below you will find a quick summery of each type and their hidden beliefs that we refer as their “Love Destroyers”
As you read the descriptions you might notice that you have some characteristics of many of the Types in you. Don’t worry, this is common. You will find, with some deeper self exploration and self observation, that one of these Types is more present, more common in how you react to life, more part of how you cope with the craziness and the ups and downs of relationships.
The Nine Types Are:
TYPE ONE: THE PERFECTIONIST
Seeks to create perfection in themselves, in others, and in the world. Their attention often moves to what’s not right or what’s missing.
Their Love Destroyers are: irritation and criticism of self and others, and holding on to resentment which keeps the heart closed.
TYPE TWO: THE HELPER
Seeks to earn love and connection by giving and meeting others emotional needs. Helpers are attentive, caring, positive people who have trouble setting boundaries and standing up for themselves.
Their Love Destroyers are: manipulating others by giving and undervaluing themselves so they don’t know what they need or can’t allow love or appreciation to land and touch them deeply.
TYPE THREE: THE PERFORMER
Seeks to accomplish goals and be successful and look good doing it! They are focused, driven and image conscious.
Their Love Destroyers are: attending so much to doing that they can’t slow down and connect, having trouble with authenticity and closing their heart.
TYPE FOUR: THE ROMANTIC
Seeks to be unique and individual. They have a strong sense of creativity and unique self expression. And a deep feeling that they are in some way broken.
Their Love Destroyers are: feeling unseen, unworthy of love, distant and misunderstood.
TYPE FIVE: THE OBSERVER
Seeks to be objective and to conserve their energy, time, or resources. They get lost in thinking and analyzing and can feel removed and distant.
Their Love Destroyers are: cutting off from their heart center, being hard to know and feel as they put up walls when they feel that others are invading their emotional or physical space.
TYPE SIX: THE LOYAL SKEPTIC
Seeks to find safety and security in a world filled with dangers and hazards. Their minds can go forward into the horrible thing that might happen which brings up fear or anxiety.
Their Love Destroyers are: letting their fears run them, believing others have some negative intentions or that they are going to leave, and not trusting themselves to step fully into Love.
TYPE SEVEN: THE VISIONARY
Seeks to find stimulation and Joy and runs from sadness, limitation, and pain. Sevens are charismatic and quick learners, but have trouble with follow through and sticking with things through hard times.
Their Love Destroyers are: lack of commitment, and fear of opening the heart to care deeply for fear that pain will follow.
TYPE EIGHT: THE BOSS
Seeks to avoid their own weakness through control and power. Eights are strong, focused and aggressive and tend to run high amounts of energy and intensity.
Their Love Destroyers are: having difficulty softening or fully opening their heart for fear of betrayal, and allowing themselves to be vulnerable.
TYPE NINE: THE MEDIATOR
Seeks to find peace and harmony at all costs. Nines are sensitive souls, who have trouble attending to their own goals or agendas and tend to be conflict avoidant.
Their Love Destroyers are: a lack of self worth that keeps them from connecting deeply and receiving the love and appreciation that’s available, and not knowing what their physical and emotional needs are.
THERE’S GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS…
The good news is that you are not stuck, that you can evolve, that your Type is just the way you’ve done relationships up until now, and that once you see it clearly and bring it into the light it starts to release its hold over you.
The bad news is that it’s hard to see your own Type and it’s hidden fears and beliefs clearly. Your ego likes to hide in the shadows and distract you with chaos and instability.
Your close friends and family members may have some vague sense of how you push people away and what your are afraid of, but they lack the precise words and framework to describe it to you, they can’t deliver the gift of self-awareness to you with clarity. (And who wants to hear that from your family members anyway?)
Often once you discover your type with the Enneagram the mist is removed, the clarity emerges, and everyone shakes their head with comprehension, “Yes it all makes sense now! That’s what was going on all these years.”
Relationships can transform with deeper self-awareness, emotional healing and transformation can take huge leaps forward, hearts can open, and souls can be soothed. There are no guarantees… but figuring out what type you are often opens the door for your spiritual evolution.