5 Ways To Be A Healer And Not Just An Empath Who Absorbs Pain

BY DAVE MARKOWITZ for davemarkowitz.com


If you are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), or empath, you are not alone. There are an estimated 40 million HSPs in America alone. HSPs often face unique challenges; mainly, healing modalities that work for most people don’t always work for us. Many of us are still dealing with fatigue, lack of focus, anxiousness, heavy-heartedness (what some call “depression”), tight muscles/unexplained pain (what some call fibromyalgia), or various other forms of pain and illness. Even if we’re relatively healhty, it is still very difficult to thrive in a culture where our sensitivities are seen as something to cure or repress – rather than be embraced. Yet, when understood and used appropriately, our empathic abilities can be a divine gift – one that allows us to heal, thrive, and to better serve all humankind.


These are the Five Steps to Healing for the Highly Sensitive Person.


Here is a short summary of the steps I’ve been working with for the last four years. They’ve raised awareness of empathic illness and have helped thousands of people heal and thrive when all else has failed.


1. Determine True Responsibility


Too many HSPs feel responsible for healing the emotional or physical pain of others – either a loved one, a social issue, or the world. This is the metaphysical equivalent of carrying a loved one (or several!) on your back. How long can you do that without getting fatigued?


When an HSP operates from this paradigm of responsibility—and its associated guilt, fear, and shame—(s)he becomes resentful, as it is against the HSP’s higher knowing. In turn, resentment reduces the strength of both your immune system and your energy field, leaving you more susceptible to absorbing and keeping other people’s pain and illness.


Taking on another person’s issues—even with the best of intentions—is often an unhealthy attempt to heal or connect with those persons. Sadly, this is cleverly disguised by the ego and supported by many cultures as a good deed. This action is unhealthy because it burdens you with what isn’t yours. Others need what is theirs; their soul signed up for it. Even worse, perhaps, this is a missed opportunity for the other person. Our job is to be compassionate but not take on other’s stuff—to embrace each person wherever they are on their journey, guiding them from a higher place than our own egoic needs.



Even if you are being paid to be a healer, your responsibility is not “to heal” others (by absorbing what’s not yours) but to create safe space for healing by loving them unconditionally. This, ironically, is what leads to healing—for them and for you.


Whenever possible, slow down and ask yourself if you are coming from your subconscious mind (patterned, conditioned belief system) or your higher self (truth). More succinctly put, “Pattern or truth?” With practice, you’ll become more aware that most of our actions are coming from the pattern. Our job as seekers and healers is to notice this and then ask ourselves, “What is my higher truth looking to accomplish now?” and then act from that awareness. This will minimize your perceived responsibility, better allowing you to be in the flow—your truth—and be safely open to life rather than contracted.

2. The Keyhole

A trained empath’s gift lies in their ability to tune in so that they can see what is needed in a particular situation, elevating their awareness of — and compassion for — the other person. That is why HSPs are such wonderful healers, friends, and intimate partners! Empathy—when used well—is your divine gift! But many HSPs block incoming energy out of fear of empathic overwhelm. This blocks the good as well as the bad, because it’s very difficult to allow one while denying the other. If you’ve been wondering, “Why have I not yet healed?” or “What is my right livelihood?” or “Where is my soulmate?” trust that the answers are just on the other side of the very wall you’ve put up for protection. Opening up to this information, while EFFECTIVELY letting other people’s negative energy go through you, is the difference between a skilled empath and a walking sponge.

NOTE: I’ve found that the ability to let energy go through you, rather than enter and stay there, is directly related to the understanding and application of Step 1. Start small and work your way up toward more challenging persons and environments!

3. The Body Scan

I’ve broken down energetic blockages into two categories for the Highly Sensitive Person: what’s yours and what’s not yours. You can’t get results addressing what is not yours using the tools for what is yours. (The reverse is also true.) This is why so many of the HSPs I worked with hadn’t experienced permanent results, even after seemingly trying every practitioner and modality available.

Determining what’s yours and what isn’t can be very difficult at first. Not because you’re un-spiritual, or unintelligent, but rather just because when there so much in the way, clear vision is more difficult. While some can do this on their own, I’ve found that not everyone can. So do your best to create safe space and ask for guidance. Reach out to someone who can co-create a safe environment to address what can be painful blockages. The goal is to go inward and ask your body what type of energy you’ve absorbed, whose it is, and where it is being stored—and be open to hearing or feeling something unexpected!

Warning: because this can be challenging, the ego will convince you this is bogus, or distract you. To this I can say these steps have worked for thousands of people. It’s not whether they work or not, it’s more a matter of remembering to do them, and practicing what’s necessary—when necessary—without beating yourself up for not getting it right, right now.

4. Return to Sender

“Cord cuts” and random “Sending it back to the Universe” techniques are all very well; however, they do not teach you how to become a strong, connected empath, capable of opening up your heart at any time without fear of energetic or emotional overwhelm.

Once we know what we’re dealing with, we must metaphysically return it to the original person we’ve absorbed it from. We do this with love, compassion and permission.

When doing so in this way, we can better understand what we’ve been doing and the end results of such. You’re not a bad person for carrying others’ energy. In fact, I’d say you’re a wonderful, loving, nurturing caring person, who is only missing these fine-tunings of your gifts so you can heal and then help others.

NOTE: The mind will always tell you that you’re done before you are. Stay with the process until you feel a physical shift. Your body speaks higher truths than the mind!

5. Recalibration

Typically, after doing the first four steps, you will find yourself feeling alive, open, and spacious. This can be disorienting, as feeling so good may be unfamiliar! Recalibration is a form of energy medicine that anyone can do. Sitting in silence after each Body Scan and Return to Sender helps you integrate any shifts and remain permanently at a higher vibration.

In closing: know that you are not crazy and that there is hope.  By practicing the five steps summarized above, you can prevent and heal empathic illness and finally begin to thrive.