Signs You Grew Up With A Toxic Parent But Didn’t Know It At The Time
A toxic parent can come in many different types and forms. But just because we recognize toxicity in a parent doesn’t mean we don’t love them. The only way to fix a problem is to first recognize that it exists. Here, we take a look at the signs that you grew up with a toxic parent.
You Support Them
This may sound obvious, but if you’re regularly bailing them out of situations (like jail) or wiring them money, you’re practically raising a rebellious teenager rather than being a son or daughter.
You Lack Goals
If you’re settled in a life you never meant to have, it may be because you grew up with someone who put their needs before yours. As such, you’ve always put your needs on the back burner.
You Play Parent
Toxic parents behave in ways that often result in their kids having to apologize on their behalf. Kids of toxic parents are always excusing their actions.
You’re Self-Obsessed
Toxic parents raise kids that are always worried about whether they’re doing the right thing, saying the right thing, feeling the right way. As a grown up, this can appear to be a self-obsession, or even become one.
You’re Competitive
If you’re competitive to the point that it weirds people out, you may be still trying to impress a parent who was never impressed by anything you did.
You’ve Got a Parent Partner
If you treat your girlfriend like your mom, or your boyfriend like your dad, you’re doing what so many people do without realizing. You’re trying to re-do your relationship with your parent. This never works.
You’ve Got A Parent Pal
Some toxic parents don’t know when to actually be parents. Instead, they act like just another friend, whether that’s being overly permissive or irresponsible, it can do a number on a child.
Outside Self-Worth
If instead of having self-worth on reserve, you’re always trying to siphon in through your achievements or awards, you’re missing an integral tool that a parent should have given you.
No Sense Of Self
If you lack a strong sense of who you are and where you come from, it’s because nobody ever led you in the right direction. It’s important to have a sense of self.
You Don’t Trust
Our parents are the first people we learn to trust, but if we’ve learned that trusting causes hurt so early in life, we’ll avoid trusting in the future. If your instinct is not to trust people, it may stem from your parental relationships.
You Self-Sabotage
Whether it’s because they never believed in you, or they believed in you so much that you need to dash their expectations, self-sabotage is a trait of someone that grew up with toxic parents.
You Can’t Take Rejection
If you fall to pieces at the first sign of rejection, it’s because you perceive your value through other people and things. You don’t posses the crucial self-worth necessary to brave rejection. If you aren’t approved by others, you’re worthless.
You Don’t Bounce Back
Nobody likes rejection. Just because “no” hurts, doesn’t mean you grew up with a toxic parents, but if rejection or misfortune occurs and it completely rocks you to your core, it may be a sign. If not getting the girl or the job means a week in bed, then you may lack the ability to heal because you had a parent who never taught you to love yourself.
You Micromanage
If you try to control everything in your life, from your significant other’s thoughts and feelings to the weather, you may be trying to make up for the feeling that you could never live up to your parents’ expectations. You’re still trying to make everything perfect.
You’re A Doormat
If you put everyone else’s needs over your own, it may stem from being raised by a parent who put their needs over yours.