One day, she’s going to wake up and say that enough is enough.
Perhaps it has managed to elude your attention that she is in deep emotional pain. She typically isn’t the type of person who would make a big scene. She doesn’t like the attention to be on her. She typically doesn’t like to blow things out of proportion. A lot of times, she’s just going to try and suppress her feelings as much as possible so as to keep you safe and happy. She’s going to sweep her emotions under a rug so you never have to deal with them. She is the type of girl who is just going to bite her lip whenever you screw up because she loves you too much to tell you that you’re wrong. She wants to give you a chance to fix your own mistakes without her reprimanding you. She wants you to be the one to take the initiative to make your relationship better. But each day that you fail her, you break off more and more pieces of her.
Her feelings never command your attention because she designed it that way. She never wants you to get the impression that she’s being overdramatic or annoying. She doesn’t want you to think of her as the clingy girl who is too sensitive about everything. She would never tell you how heartbroken she was when you canceled on her that one night. She would never tell you about how she cried herself to sleep that night you chose to pick a fight with her. She would never admit how down she felt when she caught you looking at another girl. She’ll eat her feelings up and let herself drown in her emotions all because she doesn’t want you to think ill of her. She’s willing to get hurt over and over again just so you won’t think any less of her.
It may be heard for you to realize that she’s in pain because somehow, she’s managed to erect this façade of contentment. She has a very well-practiced fake smile that could fool just about anyone. Even as the tears are building up behind her eyes, she still manages to make the people around her believe that everything is fine. She puts on a brave face because she knows she has to be strong for the both of you. There are so many weak points in your personality and she knows that she has to make up for them. She is going to trick you into believing that everything in her life is fine and dandy. She is going to make you believe that you are doing absolutely everything right even when you always do everything wrong.
You never see her cry in front of you because she knows how to hold back her tears. It’s only after you’re gone where she lets herself loose. She will try to find the most private places to express her sadness; places where no one can hear her. She talks to walls. She throws rocks. She cries into pillows. She does all of these things just to hide her true emotions from the world. She wouldn’t want anyone but herself to know just how much you hurt her on a daily basis.
The reason why you never know about her pain is because she just doesn’t want to expose you to that part of her life. Even though she wants you to develop a sense of sensitivity, empathy, and self-awareness, she never wants to be the one who instigates it. She wants you to learn on your own just how much you hurt her all the time. She wants you to learn on your own how much better you could be treating her. She wants you to become a better man on your own volition. She wants you to want to become a better person out of love and respect for her. This is what frustrates her the most: the fact that you just never seem to learn. But she’s still going to hide her frustrations in the hopes that you will come to realize your faults on your own.
But the most probable reason that you really don’t understand her pain is that you just don’t care enough to ask. You don’t really give a damn about her feelings and emotions. You never express an interest in her life the way that she deserves. You never make her feel like she has a safe space for expression. You never make her feel comfortable enough to actually open herself up to you. You don’t let her feel like you are receptive of whatever it is she wants to say. You are a selfish human being and your own self-interests are your only concern. You have no care in the world for how your actions are making this girl feel so as long as you always end up happy.
One day, she’s going to wake up and say that enough is enough. And when that day comes when she finally decides to cut you loose; when she finally decides let all her feelings and emotions out, maybe then you will start to listen. And by then, it will be too late.