A common love scene of romance movies is: the man feels attracted by a pretty woman somewhere (in a restaurant or a party). Then he approaches her and very quickly they become a couple.
You think this is silly? It does happen in real life, a lot.
Admit it, the way we learn to fall in love is wrong.
As no one taught us how to fall in love, neither schools or parents, romance movies become the main sources. We find it normal to love at first sight or fall in love without knowing the person so much.
But like numbers or vocabulary, we really need to learn it – to learn how to fall in love. If we master the fundamentals rules earlier there wouldn’t be so many failed relationships.
You might have experienced that already. You fell in love happily. Everything seems to be exciting. You do a lot of new things together. Then very soon something seems to be missing. You aren’t sure what that is but you just feel that you aren’t really fulfilled.
It is because you start the relationship without doing these two things:
Spending quality time together
It doesn’t mean you have to stick to each other all the time for a long period of time before you get together. It means you should really observe the person and see if you two really suit each other.
Does he/she treat servers badly in restaurants? How do they treat their families? Does he/she takes care of you or just focus on himself/herself all the time?
From all these small acts you can tell a lot. Always remember that you shouldn’t just pay attention to how they treat you, but also how they treat other people.
If you look for someone who would take great care of your feelings, can he/she do that?
Asking meaningful questions
Don’t just ask shallow questions like “what’s your favorite food?”. These questions are fine but remember you have a lot more important questions to ask as well.
For example, ask “what’s a perfect vacation to you?”. This seems to be a shallow question? No. This somehow reveals one’s core values.
If one suggests living in a hostel to meet the local people whereas the other prefers staying at a five-star hotel with perfect privacy, arguments may arise. This kind of discrepancy can cause conflicts in future too as you two just value different things in your lives.
Ask more in-depth questions that can tell more about one’s character and values. More examples are:
What’s your biggest regret in life?
If you can go back in time, which age would you choose?
What’s the best kind of retired life to you?
Only when you truly know a person can you truly fall in love with him/her, and have a long-lasting relationship.