If you recognise these red flags, perhaps you should reconsider who you’re dedicating your time to…
Relationships. They’re complicated things. Of course, being involved with someone can be wonderful, but if it’s the wrong person, it can be confusing and effect you in ways you never imagined. Judgement can be skewed, confidence can be knocked and red flags can be missed. Below, we’ve listed 10 concrete signs when things aren’t right. If they ring any bells, it may be time to reconsider who you’re dedicating your time to…
Jealousy is a natural feeling – sometimes it can’t be helped, but it’s how it’s communicated that matters. If jealousy bleeds into regular put-down comments or turns out to be a reflection of your partner’s own insecurity rather than something you’ve done, then it needs to be addressed. If it’s unjustified and persists after that, it’s not okay.
2. Blame Game
Ah the age-old blame game. It’s never their fault, only yours. If someone is constantly assigning blame to you, it’s exhausting and can (rightfully) result in you resenting them – something that likely will only get worse the longer it goes on.
You know how you’re suppose to love someone faults and all? Yeah, it’s kind of true. Constructive criticism can be a great thing but negative all-the-damn-time criticism will only result in your confidence plummeting. Never, never good.
4. One-Way Happiness
If you spend your time making sure they’re happy, they feel supported, they’re experiencing everything they want to do then it’s not good enough. Yes, you may think you want to give your partner “the best” but this isn’t how relationships should work. You have to have mutual happiness, mutual support, mutual enjoyment – it’s a two way street. They don’t call it a partnership for nothing.
5. Passive Aggression
Whether you’re sensing passive aggression through disguised hostile comments, humour or actions – it has no place in a healthy relationship. When isolated, these incidences can seem “not a big deal”, but cumulatively they can be really damaging. Your partner should champion you, bring you up, not put you down.
6. They Won’t Let You Grow
If your partner doesn’t value your personal growth then, yes you guessed it, it’s another huge red flag. You know the phrase people use when they’re saying how wonderful their partner is… “they bring out the best in me” – yeah, that one. It’s because partners are suppose to encourage you to pursue your goals and become the best person you can be. If they regard that growth as a negative thing, you’re with the wrong person. Fact.
7. “No Point”
If you’ve got to the point where you don’t see any point in your relationship then you should really address it. Dedicating yourself to a partner should be because you want to be with them, they make you feel good and they bring out the best in you but if that’s all gone and you feel hopeless, you should really take some time to think about why you’re still together.
Control is not okay. You decide who you see, what you do and when you do it. Hopefully you’ll want to include your partner in many of these plans (because y’know, you enjoy being with them) but if you don’t, you don’t have to justify that and no one should make you feel like you do.
9.Lack of Communication
If you and your partner really struggle to communicate, this won’t lend itself to a developing relationship. Communication is key; being able to talk about how you feel, what you like, what you don’t like, being able to voice when you need support or being able to support them is SO important for a lasting relationship.
10. Pretending To Be Someone You’re Not
If your relationship is “fine” but you know deep down you’re not yourself, why are you with that person? You should be able to be who you are – flaws and all. Ask yourself – why are you not being you? If you feel it’s because they wouldn’t like you, try to be honest with them – give them a chance, it’s unfair to assume they won’t love you just the way you are. But if it’s because they berate you when you do show glimpses of the true you, get out and find someone who loves you – no compromises. Everyone deserves that.