By Raven Fon
At first, everything will come together perfectly. All of the good feelings you’ve been missing will suddenly fill your senses. You will remember that comfortable connection that surrounds you with peace and satisfaction. Finally, you’ll feel like your life is starting to make sense.
Then it happens. You knew that part of their personality they manage to keep hidden would eventually surface. It almost broke you last time, and just like then, it will leave you confused, conflicted, and trapped…just-like-last-time. Guess what? You’re going to be angry with yourself for allowing it to happen again. But, you never have to put yourself through that.
You have to remember the pain; it is the only thing beneficial part of that piece of history. Remember when tears streamed down your cheeks till you didn’t have any left? Never forget why it ended, and how much you suffered as you drowned in their toxicity.
That pain of being torn apart inside that left you feeling helpless. That physical heart-wrenching pain in your chest that caused your world to collapse, despite being a strong person. Others couldn’t quite explain how the strength they admire in someone could turn to sorrow and emptiness so quickly. But you know why.
You know that they can say the words “I care,” and “I love you,” but they never figured out how to love anyone. Someone who truly loves you wouldn’t hurt you, and you will always be their emotional doormat.
They need to feel good about themselves, and they know you can deliver. You always give them what they need, emotionally, and sacrifice yourself in the process. They think you need them as much as they need you…but you can prove them wrong.
Look back on when they left your life. You knew it was for the best- for your best. You (and probably everyone who knew you at the time) knew you were doing something good when that person was removed from your life. You were giving yourself space to breathe and grow as an individual, away from the undeserving nature of a user and abuser.
You know you deserve better. You deserve someone who supports you, who stands by you, and who makes the tough times easier by loving you- not by attacking, blaming, or belittling you. Someone who sees your flaws as attributes and knows your worth.
Now, I get it. I understand that you care about them and want to help them, or even save them. Maybe they helped you in some way, and you think you owe them an eternal debt. Maybe they held your hand and showed actual compassion and concern at one point. Maybe they kissed your scars and called you beautiful. Maybe you had a special connection. Really, I do get it.
But I also understand how they saw things. They wanted to help you when it served them, and they wanted things done their way. As soon as you stepped up and started challenging their ways, that’s what problems arose. I know you tried to make things better by accepting their toxicity…and later hated yourself for it.
They left you feeling broken, exhausted, and betrayed. Your heart doesn’t deserve this pain…not again.
When they come back, which will happen, please remember these words.
Leave your life open for a love that you deserve, because, believe it or not, it is out there.