If you are dating someone new – or even if you just have a potential new interest – you’ll likely want to get to the important stuff fairly quickly. Like, how likely they are to throw a tantrum or be a bit on the psychotic side… these are important things, and the sooner you find them out, the better. Good news – experts have pinpointed some very direct Q&A guidelines to help you get to the nitty-gritty in record time without having to waste months finding out that new crush turned out to be a bit nuts.
Getting to Know Someone. Understanding that everyone has a little “crazy” in them at one time or another is key, but there are times when it would be nice to know in advance if someone is prone to more extreme reactions. If you’re looking to find out if someone has a true dark side, here are some questions you can ask to get to the bottom of things quicker.
#1: “What’s the Littlest Thing That Has Set You Off?” According to Bustle.com, when asking someone this question, you can actually ignore the bulk of what they’re saying. It isn’t their words that you’re looking to understand in this question, it’s their reaction.
What to Watch for. “Don’t pay attention to the reason for why they got angry. Pay attention to how they behave when they’re angry. Everyone’s entitled to their feelings, but if someone behaves in extreme ways over seemingly small things, that’s something to watch out for,” Bustle.com writes.
#2: “Have You Ever Cut Ties with a Friend? Why?” This one is important to remember that you’re only getting half of a story. With that in mind, pay attention to the way they discuss the former friend and what caused the end of the friendship.
What to Watch for. “You’re watching for people taking offense over small matters, taking revenge, being unaware of their own part in the story, or twisting things to make them seem like a constant victim. If bad things keep happening to someone, chances are the problem is them,” explains relationship expert, Siobhan Johnson.
#3: “What’s Your Biggest Argument with Your Family?” Since our family life is our foundation, asking questions that pertain to the stresses of someone’s family life will give you a great deal of insight into who they are. Their answers will be highly telling about any “issues” they may have themselves.
What to Watch for. “You may get information on someone’s opinions about important things like boundaries and what’s appropriate or not. If someone tells stories of crossing boundaries or making people feel uncomfortable with pride, they’re likely hiding some pretty dark qualities,” explains Bustle.
#4: “What Was the Most Awful Thing You’ve Ever Done?” This is another question that begs you to ignore the story for the most part and focus on their reaction. You’ll want to look out for how they react when you ask them to tell you about their worst moments.
What to Watch for. “Someone who has a dark side is going to light up and sparkle at the invitation to disclose their dark side. They’ll be glad you asked and playful about letting you in,” April Masini, relationship expert, explains. On the flip side, someone who is more even- tempered will likely have a difficult time coming up with an answer at all.
#5: “Did You Learn Anything from Your Worst Moment?” For this question, you need to pay attention to their answer more than anything. It’s not so much what they learned, as much as it’s about admitting they learned anything from their mistakes at all.
What to Watch for. “If they are honest with you, you’ll probably learn a lot about them personally, including if they have insight into their own life choices,” says Heidi McBain, licensed professional counselor. By admitting they learned something, they’re admitting they know their faults and that is a mature individual. If not, that’s a truly dark individual.
#6: “Have You Ever Tried to Get Revenge on Anyone?” While we’ve all likely fantasized about someone who’s hurt us meeting their rightful demise, we usually have the maturity enough to not act on it. A person’s opinion on revenge can say a lot about them.
What to Watch for. “The answer to this question can say a lot about how a person deals with being hurt and frustrated. If they think seeking vengeance is necessary for them to heal and move on, they may have a darker side to them,” Bustle.com writes.
#7: “What Is Your Biggest Relationship Regret?” Since regret is a natural part of human emotion and development, paying attention to what they do NOT say in this instance, can give you the greatest insight. Whether or not they are honest about regret can be highly telling about their personality.
What to Watch for. “When they’re answering the question, pay close attention to what they don’t say… if someone says they have zero regrets or can’t think of anything at all, it shows they haven’t learned anything or may have narcissistic tendencies,” explains Bustle.com.