Narcissists have an uncanny ability to take everything, twist and turn it, leaving those in their life walking away wondering what the hell just happened…
Have you ever seen a gas fire? There is a reason why you can’t put water on it to put it out. It blows the shit out of it. This is what a narcissist does to anyone who tries to put them in their place, call them out, or threaten their ego.
Are you being gaslighted? 14 signs you are
When you try to call a narcissist out for their bad behavior, it is like throwing water on a gas fire; it blows up in your face. After you are done, you see you are missing not just your eyebrows, but your brain.
#1 You walked in sure you were right and left barely knowing your name. When someone gaslights you, they throw all kinds of doubt into your conversation. Confusing you to the point where you aren’t even sure what your real name is, they make you question everything.
#2 The subject that you started with was not even covered. When you bring up something to a narcissist that they either don’t want to discuss or has the potential to make them admit wrongdoing, they twist and weave so that they don’t have to hear or acknowledge it.
Taking things out of the closet that you haven’t seen in years and hurling things at you at ferocious speed is the way they divert your truth.
#3 The story you remember and the one that comes from their mouth are incongruent. When you are in an argument with someone you know you are being gaslighted when you tell your side of the story and hear theirs. It is like you are in two different universes.
Things you did, what you said, and vice versa, always sway in their favor. Your two versions don’t even sound like the same story.
#4 You end up being the jerk. It doesn’t matter how much you plead your case, you always end up being the jerk who did a narcissist wrong. They aren’t capable of seeing how their actions affected you.
You are a jerk for merely suggesting they aren’t perfect or they might be in any way responsible. You always put your bad feelings off on them or blame them for your mental instability.
#5 Deja vu, you feel like you have been here before. Every time you approach a narcissist, you have a feeling of hope, like if you just say things the right way and explain them, they will see it your way.
But, when dealing with a narcissist, you always leave thinking, “I’ve been here before… how did I get here again?”
#6 You think maybe they are right and you’re just crazy. A narcissist is very good at one thing, doing what they do. When you confront them about anything, they twist the situation and story and then go on to say how “crazy” you are and that you “always do this” as if your feelings are nothing but a reflection of your own mental deficit.
By the time you leave, you end up wondering if they are right and you need to seek counseling.
#7 They are way too angry for the inquiry. When you try to put a narcissist in their place, you will be met with swift and severe anger. Most of the time you avoid saying anything because you know that the punishment for questioning will be quick.
But, on those rare occasions when you can’t move along and hold your tongue, their attitude will go from zero to PISSED in twenty seconds.
#8 They aren’t above calling you names. Stupid, insane, crazy, bitch, asshole, whatever they hurl to catch you off guard, you have been gaslighted. They say anything to shut you up.
Shaming by calling someone a name is just one more tactic that tells you, you have been gaslighted.
#9 They try to get everyone involved either by mentioning other names, or actually calling people in for their opinion. What is stronger than numbers? Someone who is a narcissist has a band of those who stick up for them and follow along.
If they can’t convince you that you are wrong and crazy, then they find recruits to help tell you that you are. There is always safety in numbers when gaslighting.
#10 You end up apologizing. It doesn’t matter if they killed your cat, if you attempt to get a narcissist to take the blame for anything they do, you always end up walking away and apologizing. It is just a thing.
I can’t describe it, but if you have ever dealt with a narcissist, then you know what I am talking about. They whittle you down until you have no more tools in your arsenal besides “I’m sorry” just to make it all go away and stop.
#11 You feel like you aren’t good enough or on the same level. The way that a narcissist protects their ego and fosters it is through using other people. They have to make others feel less than to make themselves feel awesome.
So, if you question them or in any way threaten their superiority, they do whatever they can to squash you and put you back into your subordinate place.
#12 You leave feeling isolated and alone. One of the biggest tools that a narcissist has at their disposal is fear. They typically target people with high empathy and people pleasers. They control you by making you feel like if you don’t let them have what they want, you’ll end up old and alone.
Don’t buy into the drama. Pulling everyone into your argument is a tactic, not a reality.
#13 You feel guilty for even thinking the worst. You catch them in the act of screwing your best friend and a narcissist messes with your head so royally you end up feeling bad that you felt mad.
Making you feel horrible for even questioning that they didn’t always have the best of intentions is what they do best.
#14 It took all the energy you had to bring it up, and now you wish you hadn’t. Again, you have been here before. Although gaslighted a hundred times, when in a relationship with a narcissist, you still have some courage left to try to get your point across. It isn’t something lacking in you; it is all them.
Being gaslighted is a horrible form of abuse. It is the way a narcissist keeps you in line by throwing water on the fire every time you threaten them. It is a tool to make you stop second guessing them. The worst part–it works. Before you know it, you are left bottomed out, insecure, slightly scared, and learning to keep quiet.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, being gaslighted isn’t the only thing that a narcissist does to keep you in line. Likely, it isn’t even the worst thing they do.
You aren’t wrong. And you aren’t crazy. You also have nothing to be sorry for. Take heart, you have just been gaslighted. Time to move on.