There are so many things we do on a daily basis that subtly suck our power, drain our vitality, and leave us feeling frustrated and exhausted. Sometimes though, we don’t realise what they are… Or we selectively forget! Here are a few major things to STOP DOING that I’ve been making an effort to remind myself of lately.
1. Waiting for someone else to change their behaviour.
If your happiness is predicated on someone else — your lover, your mother, your boss — behaving differently, a) you are never going to be happy, and b) you are giving your power away. Other people do not exist to make us happy, and no matter how much we nag, whine, or manipulate, they are going to continue to do what they think is best for them.
We could wander the planet until the end of our days, hoping to meet someone who does exactly what we like, when we like, the way we like it. Newsflash: this person is a figment of your imagination. All relationships exist between two imperfect people.
The only solution? Be the change that you seek. When you switch up your side of the “dance”, the other person is forced to respond differently. You might hate the way your partner picks fights with you. Stop responding the way you normally do, and they will do something different too. You’ll throw a wrench into their pattern. And then, take another step back, and look at why and when she picks fights with you. Is low blood sugar a cause? A long day at work? Stress about something else?
If you can put these puzzle pieces together, notice when the same old stimulus is being triggered, and side-step it, you will have a whole new relationship. Truth.
2. Thinking that you can solve every problem with a masculine solution.
I love a list, a formula, a system as much as anyone else. A book to read, a TEDTalk to watch, a quote to live by… It’s all so enticing. Sometimes we think that if we just have the right piece of information, everything will fall into place and make sense. And yes, sometimes that works… But sometimes we have to feel our way into a solution.
This can be a very hard pill to swallow, especially if you’re a take-charge, get-it-done type of person. Feel your way?! That sounds so amorphous and intangible that it can make you want to rip out every hair on your head. But sometimes it is the only way.
How do you feel your way into a solution? You need to slow down, and listen to your intuition. Ask what your body is telling you. Meditate, dream, and allow the answers to come. Sometimes even that doesn’t work: you won’t know what to do until you’re in the situation and you let your body do what feels right.
Frustrating? Hell yes. But we can’t always hammer away at emotional problems with logic, as much as we might like to. Sometimes the answer is in a dream, in the tip of your finger, or in relaxing into the moment.
3. Believing that making money is all about sweat equity.
Money is energy, and you are absolutely fooling yourself if you think that how you feel about your finances, or wealthy people, or your own level of deserving, is not affecting how much you have in the bank. Even Tony Robbins says the most important thing when it comes to wealth is a sense of gratitude.
When we marry the physical — ideas, hard work, sending that email — with the metaphysical — gratitude, visualisation, clearing our money blocks — we become unstoppable. Because if we’re short on cash, and we take action but we don’t change how we feel about money, we’ll end up right back where we started a month or two later.
When you change how you feel about money, everything else follows. You will always feel like you have enough, your anxiety will drop, and you will free yourself up emotionally to create, love, and live large.