by LJ Vanier
If you talked to your friends the way you talked to yourself sometimes, you wouldn’t have many….
Every relationship we have, can be viewed as a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves and setting the tone for the right relationships, lies heavily upon us. By trusting ourselves, listening to our own thoughts, feelings and emotions, we become more authentic and this gives us the wonderful opportunity to become comfortable in our own skin. Yet, when we are not comfortable with who we are, we project onto others, what we cannot accept of ourselves.
12. You are “judgy”.
“Life is a mirror and will reflect back to thinker what he thinks into it” – Ernest Holmes
Remember that each time you lash out against someone, whether it is behind their back or to their face, you are meeting an aspect of your own shadow. So turn those words back around, because what you just said, is exactly what you need to heal, accept and alchemize within you. Tongue lashing someone with crude remarks is a sure sign that you’re not comfortable in your own skin; you’re too hard on yourself and you lack self-acceptance. When we judge others, not only are we bringing forward an aspect of ourselves, we are unknowingly hurting someone else, based on our own perception of the world in how we see others.
11. You seek validation from others.
We seek attention and validation from others when there is something missing. A void that needs to be filled, and without the proper tools and the introspection to understand and alleviate the cause, we search for an external reaction. You are the cause and the reaction. What you seek in the world is already within you, you already know the answer because you asked the question. Measure yourself by your own standards and set the bar high because you’re worth it.
10. You put yourself last.
Doing things for others can bring us joy and satisfaction, but there is a sacred selfishness that we can’t afford to ignore. When we over-indulge in giving our time, our energy and our good nature, we may think that there’s no harm but be warned, like a car we can’t run on empty and we all need a refill.
9. You repetitively do things you dislike.
Whether it’s a job, a lifestyle or a relationship, continuing on in the same energetic cycle that doesn’t serve your higher good is not only unhealthy, it can cause mental and emotional conditions such as anxiety and depression. If you find yourself feeling like you are stuck on the rat wheel, you already know its time to get off. It will not do you any good now or later, so trust that something better will be waiting for you around the next corner, and it will.
8. You’re angry.
“Anger is a sign that something needs to change” – Mark Epstein
What is anger? where does it come from? and why does it have the ability to boil our blood so much!
A face of the ego, anger can come knocking for a variety of reasons. Anger is a sign that you aren’t satisfied with your current situation, whether it be emotionally or psychologically. To be plain, your basic needs are not being met and your ego “I” is letting you know loud and clear that you need to serve yourself a little better.
7. You let others have too much say in your life.
“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?” -Danielle Laporte
Whether its our parents, our friends, coworkers or our bosses, we are always getting advice from somewhere, (whether we are asking for it or not is a different story.) The point is to entertain a thought without accepting it. Feel for yourself if what you are being told resonates with you, the real you, the child that has hopes and dreams for itself. Be mindful of what you allow into your decision-making, this is your life and you are the only one living it.
6. You tell white lies.
Even the smallest fib, is a reflection of your own self-confidence. Never lower yourself to try to impress someone else. Be you, be real, you are enough just as you are. Anyone who can’t respect the truth, isn’t worth your time.
5. You mask your emotions.
Since I was young, I have always viewed feelings and emotions as separate. I understood that my emotions were based on instances where I had been hurt or wronged and transgressed due to often confusing and difficult times in my life. Whereas my feelings were much different in that they were a clear inner knowing of who I truly was, what I supposed to do and served as my guidepost of light in the darkest of times.
Too often though, I see others unable to differentiate between the two and choose to mask everything that they are feeling due to the inability to comprehend, or the fear of what they might find buried and hidden away in the hidden closets of the mind.
In an attempt to drown emotions, we flush away our elevated instincts (intuition) by use of alcohol, drugs, cigarettes and anything else that can be used as a distraction, keeping us from dealing directly with what is at hand. And the greatest tragedy of the matter, is that when we chose to forget the bad, we also forgot the good.
4. You can’t take the bad with the good.
You can’t add anymore water to your cup if it is already full. When we are unable to release past experiences, by working through them emotionally, psychologically and spiritually we feel like we just can’t take another bad, or we think to ourselves, “if anything else happens I just can’t take it”. Naturally, we seek out the fun-filled aspects of life and negate all responsibility. Quite often, this is known as a mid-life crisis. It’s all of things that we’ve been avoiding for so long and they will always at some point work their way forward. Whenever we are ready to stop running and surrender to our own pain and suffering, we can release its hold on us and we are ready to take on anew. Empty your cup.
3. You’re hard on yourself.
It is my personal belief that self-acceptance and humility fall hand in hand. While there are many people who believe that we all make mistakes, I am not one of them. That is to say, we are perfect just as we are. If someone is going to keep score– stop. Life is about learning and growing, not tallying our karma, and when we can forgive ourselves for the things we didn’t know then, that we know now, we ascend into love and acceptance of self and release the burden.
It’s a weight you’ve been carrying too long, drop the bag.
2. You don’t trust your intuition.
We all have instincts. A flash of insight or an inner voice that guides our decision-making process, but it is your choice whether or not to listen. Make the one that serves you first.
1.You’re not following your heart.
Your heart knows long before your conscious mind has had time to process your feelings. You will always get a soft nudge, an internal knowing, whether you should or should not proceed in any of life’s situations. Yet, it is common that this nudge is overlooked; usually buried by emotional triggers of the brain, that cloud the mind, and steer you off course. It usually why it said that we should never make a hasty decision, and it is dead on. Always give yourself the time to separate your feeling or inner knowing from your emotions and once you have, trust yourself. Trust your instincts and trust in knowing that in life and in love, it always finds a way.