This Is Why Healing Just Doesn’t Work Sometimes

BY Marama Phi for

Do you know how many alternative healing methods exist? Lots!  And do you know how many of those I have tried over the years? It’s safe to say, about 90%.

And they work wonders, those healings, for a little while…

Then gradually, after a brief period of respite, those tell-tale signs start returning: something is still amiss.

Before long the mind starts chattering and asks: ‘who am I without trauma? Am I even someone?’ The mind feels lost without having a drama to attach to. Lo and behold, we nourish the seed for a new masterpiece to grow. One with even louder crescendos!

So yet again I hitch up my jeans, and head off on a subconscious search for the very thing thing that causes me pain.

A good example is contact with my ex.

Yeah, that ex! The guy I accuse of having no empathy. Who never kept a promise! The one that got me so heated I went cold turkey on relationships.

My mind chatters: ‘I don’t remember the pain being all that bad…’

So I meet the ex and everything is great. We have great fun and laughs.

But then a few days later, he does that thing again. Not keeping promises. Again, ignoring me, saying hurtful words. Those feelings of rejection, abandonment and not being supported, all come flooding back.

I lie on the carpet cradling myself in agony: ‘Why oh why did I recreate my own hell all over again? Did I really think it was going to get better this time?’

This is normally where the thought process stalls.

The next phase is well meaning friends with the obvious: ‘STOP IT. You want to get better? Just stop it. Break the cycle!’ And that is exactly why NOBODY from the outside can heal us.

While those words of common sense echo and ricochet off my unwilling vessel, a deeper layer of clarity presents itself:  Only WE can go on the journey of healing by looking into WHY we have become addicted to our own suffering.

Yet that gem of information given to us from our own inner voice can quickly invite the Ego in with feelings of shame or guilt. ‘But I’m the victim here! Surely I am not addicted to this. That would be ridiculous. I AM the victim!’

And why wouldn’t the Ego think this? After all, it’s ruled by its conditioning. Breakthrough insights, however, often come through heart and soul intelligence. Not the hurt Ego.

Here’s an interesting example to consider.

Austrian Natascha Kampusch who was abducted at the age of 12, was raped and psychologically abused by her abductor for many years. She was kept in a hidden cellar until the day she managed to escape successfully. Her abductor committed suicide immediately after.

Fast-forward ten years; she now lives in her abductor’s house.  She has returned to her place of torture.


The answer to this is multi-layered, but a profound reason is because it is the place that created her reality. It is the place where her mind-ego feels anchored to life. Without it, she will feel like she has lost her anchor and the rest of the world will feel alien to her.

Therefore, victims like Natascha Kampusch, would rather ‘belong in hell’, than feel like a lost soul in heaven.

This is an extreme example, but easily applied to many of us on this planet living in perpetual suffering. It becomes so habitual, we keep getting drawn into that dark alleyway for another shot of ‘Feeling-Like-We-Belong Heroin’.

Realizing this clearly is a step in the right direction. It means we now understand we have to have a degree of trust in our mind, as well as faith that our anchor can be placed in a new reality. From the Ego’s perspective, this is hard to ‘imagine’ because its main job is to focus on survival stuff; being imaginative is not really its thing. Imagine trying to write a symphony while being attacked by a pack of wolves. Not easy.

Working with my Ego is a profound and often scary journey, and all too often I resort to self-sabotage by dabbling with my fear-based addictions.

Today, my tendency to go get a ‘healing’ has diminished significantly. My true healer is my mindfulness. My willingness to observe my mind’s programmed inclinations and its constant pull towards the solace of my dark, yet familiar dungeon.

So I hear you ask: ‘Have you learnt anything from this?’ To which I answer: ‘Fuck yeah!!’ Rather than condemning that merry-go-round mind, and isolating it even more, we need to give it the love and encouragement it needs to relax and trust it will find a new home. A home without perpetual trauma.

A place within where ‘balance’ will become the norm and even fulfilling.

And what do I say to the well-meaning people who confidently claim ‘you create your own reality’ and ‘you’re stuck in victim consciousness.’

Even though their words may be true, once you are stuck in the molasses of a negative program, they simply sound patronizing. It takes dedication, focus and trust to ‘unprogram’ and believe me, it’s not for wussies.

So for heaven’s sake be nice to yourself and thank your Ego for being such a hard worker.

Have a nice break now. Heart and Soul will take over from here.

About the author: Marama Phi is a 42 year old Filmmaker and Counselor.
Her passion is to help people see outside of the box in order to step out of systems that no longer work for humanity. She believes planet Earth is going through an important dimensional shift and as a result many people currently feel they are working on shedding the old and are transitioning into a new human: One with greater harmony of body, mind and spirit.