BY AMBER BRENZA
Hi, my name is Amber and I’m a very determined, stubborn, independent person. I’m never fully happy with my achievements because they always fall short of my expectations, and I think I should start taking more emotional risks before my life comes to a grinding halt.
At least that’s what Psychobook said about me — and honestly, it’s not wrong. The recently-released coffee table book is filled with psychological games, tests, and questionnaires that reveal your deepest and darkest thoughts — to yourself.
Okay, “deepest and darkest” might be pushing it, but the book’s got a bunch of different tests — 19 of them, to be exact. I took each one because journalism (and I’ve got way too much time on my hands), but you can take this inkblot test from the book* right now. Look at each image and take stock of what you see, then scroll down to find out what it means.
*Explanations adapted from Will Hobson and Psychobook, and shortened for space.
If you see…
A roast chicken: You may have a few doubts about what you’re doing, but overall, you feel very centered and clear about what you need.
A screaming cartoon cat: You’re a problem solver and you like for your voice to be heard. You thrive on negotiation and conflict, and you may come off as abrasive sometimes.
A faceless woman, a judge, or a person in a wig: You’ve got no time for patience. You set high standards for yourself and expect others to do the same.
A woman who has clubbed her husband to death: You’re not interested in a Sunday morning, easy going kind of love. You want some sparks to fly (so you can kiss and make up later).
Someone’s jaws being approached by a pair of forceps: You’re all about being true to yourself, and if people don’t like it, well, that’s their problem.
A rocket or a tower: You’re a hard worker and highly respected, professionally, but you may need to lighten up a bit in your private life.
If you see…
A strong man flexing: You’re highly capable and competitive. The bar is set high for you, but you’re always up for a challenge.
A pair of rams butting heads: You’re self-disciplined and reliable. You know what you’re doing, which inspires clients and colleagues, but you’re also a very nervous, stressed person. Don’t worry — only those close to you can tell.
A scorpion: You’re very in tune with yourself, but you can be thrown off by small changes in diet or sleep because you’re physically very sensitive.
A lobster or shrimp: You’re romantic, but guarded. You’re not sure if you want to sacrifice your peace of mind for the unpredictability of a relationship.
Fallopian tubes: You’re at a standstill right now — privately or professionally. Reality often falls short of your expectations and your achievements don’t seem like enough.
If you see…
Two figures leaning forward, possibly in prayer: You’re a patient and cerebral person. If you care about something, you don’t settle for anything less than the best.
A racing car or two furry cubs, babies, or devils: You’ve got a great imagination. You’re instinctively metaphorical and can easily see things from other people’s points of view.
A dentist’s or barber’s chair: You’re sensitive and generous, and you take things painfully to heart. Your transparent with your feelings, and prefer simple, laid-back environments.
A woman lying down with her legs open: You’re easily distracted. You crave balance in your life and you pay special attention to physical sensations.
Two dark forces about to invade a figure: You’re constantly starting something and leaving it unfinished. Everything’s a “work in progress.”
If you see…
A beetle or scarab: Success comes naturally to you. You’re hardworking and you know how to handle almost any situation. You set plans and follow them through.
A pair of emus facing each other while wearing feather boas: You love glamour and the high life. You know all the hottest spots in town, but you’ve got a few inner struggles going on.
Two pairs of hummingbirds, wings beating: You love beautiful things and you’re constantly on the move, searching for them.
Sunglasses, a bra, or a beard: You’re a bit materialistic. You like to dress up, but you often seek external solutions (a new car or some new clothes) to internal problems.
A skeleton or bones: You feel like you’re on a merry-go-round; like life is always repeating itself. You’re worried that it’ll all come to a grinding halt and you think you need to take more emotional risks.
A flying figure, an alien with stubby feet, or a bikini-wearing woman: You’re highly dependable in a crunch, but you can also be flighty on a day-to-day basis. You like getting in touch with friends you haven’t talked to for a while.
If you see…
Springtime pansies or a bird of paradise: You’re charming and thoughtful, but modest. You love discussions and generally like people and what you can learn from them.
Pressed flowers: You were the object of a lot of attention as a child, and you may have overly high expectations of yourself.
A moth, butterfly, or dragonfly: You’re a very independent person. You’re drawn to the limelight, but you know it comes at a cost. You can’t stand being told what to do.
Eyes in darkness with blinkers on: You live inside your own head and think things over exhaustively.