Everyone goes through rough patches, but when you’re in a relationship, your partner’s mood swings can become your problem so quickly. It’s one thing when someone is suffering from actual depression or another mental health problem. That’s not negativity, that’s a legitimate health issue that can (and should) be worked through with the help of a professional. As you know, it’s definitely not something to blame someone for. What we’re talking about is when someone just has a — what’s the technical term? — a super sh*tty attitude. Eventually, your significant other’s negativity can affect your relationship and your mental health.
Sometimes it can be hard to tell what’s just a hilariously dark and twisted sense of humor or worldview and what becomes actual toxic negativity that can bring you down. A partner’s negativity can destroy relationships even quicker than lying or cheating can.
Here’s how tell that things have taken a turn for the worst.
1. Nothing is ever fun anymore.
There’s something to be said for bonding with someone through snark and making innocent fun of things together, but when you start to realize that that’s just how this person is all the time, it can be a little shocking. Whether it’s making reservations at a new restaurant or going to a concert you thought they’d enjoy, when it seems like there’s something wrong with every single thing you guys do together, it can start to wear on you in a very real way.
2. You’re not allowed to have a good time either.
When you have good news to share or have a really great day, they’re super quick to point out the not-so-perfect aspects of it. If you’re looking forward to something, they knock it down or point out all the ways it could wrong. It’s one thing if they want to walk round rolling their eyes at the world, but you don’t have to live like that, too.
3. You edit what you say to them.
Because it seems like no one can have any fun around your beloved, you think long and hard before you share something with them. Instead of rushing in with good news of, say, an upcoming job interview or fun weekend plans, you think about how to best present things to them so that they won’t rain on your parade.
4. You don’t look forward to being around them.
It’s really bad when you start to dread their coming home for work, just because you know that you’ll have to spend some serious time trying to cheer them up or talk through their complaints (which they will inevitably have). It’s not like they make your skin crawl or anything — it’s just hard to be around them for too long a time without mentally preparing yourself first.
5. And you get away from them as often as possible.
You definitely love them and so many things about them, but since being around them is starting to get exhausting, you try to make sure you spend time away from your couple-dom every chance you get. Uh, can we just say that something might be wrong if you’re referring to your night out with friends as a “break” or “getting away” form your partner?
6. It’s getting ugly — literally.
Negativity can be so unattractive. It wouldn’t be uncommon to start to feel really far away from your partner or not want to be intimate with them when they’re being super grumpy about every little thing. When their negativity is messing with your sex life, something has to change.
7. They don’t notice that anything’s wrong.
When you approach your partner about anything that’s up with your relationship, they should at least take some time to hear you out. If their negativity is really toxic, they might not have any idea what you’re talking about when you tell them that they’re bringing you down. Sometimes it’s just a matter of calling out their bad attitude, but if they can’t make simple compromises to lighten things up a little bit, you have to make a choice about what you can handle going forward.