My ex — a narcissist through-and-through — used to always say, “If you can’t win ’em over with your charm, then dazzle ’em with your bullsh*t” … a variation of a W.C. Fields quote, and a motto that he lived by as if it were the Golden Rule.
(Original Quote) “If you can’t dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.” ~W.C. Fields
Therefore, without further ado, I give you the 15 things a narcissist will never give up…
1) His need to be right: Narcissists do not give themselves the right to be ‘wrong’.
2) His need for control: Narcissists live vicariously through their false personas, which are created by a series of deceitful acts and lies. If the narcissist doesn’t control everyone and everything around him, he risks losing control over his ‘lie’, and thus being exposed as the fraud that he is.
3) His need to place blame: Since a narcissist cannot give himself the right to be wrong (see # 1) he has become very adept at pointing the finger and placing the blame. Nothing wrong is ever about him, as he does nothing wrong … he has to believe that he is perfect so that others will believe this, too.
4) His need for accolades: A narcissist can never receive too much adulation. Praise and awe are his air & water. All must be impressed by his greatness, whatever that special ‘greatness’ is that he has ‘chosen’ to lay claim to (one’s a millionaire, another’s a rock-star, one’s famous for this, another’s famous for that, one’s got this kewl career, another saved Elvis’s life once, blah-blah-blah).
5) His need to diminish the worthiness & validity of those who do not like him: The narcissist will discredit anyone who doesn’t think he is wonderful. To discredit these people means he can then discredit their opinions, too. If they’re not ‘worthy’ as people, well then, they’re certainly not worthy of valid opinions, either.
6) His need to make a positive impression on others: In order to receive the adoration that the narcissist so desperately seeks, he must put on his perfect mask and impress all who stumble upon his presence. See # 4.
The narcissist will never change.
7) His need to avoid his real self: Do you remember the movie, ‘Wizard of Oz’? Do you remember the real wizard hiding behind the curtain? Like the ‘wizard’ of Oz, a narcissist will never look behind the curtain…to see his real self.
8) His need not to acknowledge his own bad behavior: The narcissist will never take responsibility for his poor behavior. Why blow perfection? See # 3.
9) His need for admiration & adoration from a partner: Like # 4, his need to be admired and adored by his partner is strong. Of course, this is just in the beginning stage of the relationship. However, his adoration cup has a great big hole in it and no matter how much adoration you pour into the cup it will never be filled. NOTE: I SAY THE ‘BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP’ …. Why? Because once you see the real him and stop feeding him non-stop admiration, he will dump you. You will not dump him because you will still be in love with the fake persona (who is one helluva catch!)
10) His need to match his ‘subjects’: Like a chameleon, a narcissist can change who he is — simply and easily — to match the persona of the person he is trying to impress. If you don’t like meat, he’s a born vegetarian. If you like hip-hop music, he invented it. If you are a Democrat, why, so is he! Cynical? He’s the Cynic King! And if you’re empathetic and compassionate, he can bring on a real flood of salty tears at the mere mention of that poor, little kitty stuck in that tree (I’ve seen this done with my own eyes!).
11) His cold-heart: To care — actually care — about someone other than him, would threaten the narcissists need to be number one. Any conscious awareness of others on his part could tsunami his sand castle. Now, mind you, narcissists do have feelings! Huge, trembling, over-sized ones — but they are just for him. He can break your heart every which way but loose and stomp all over it on his way out the door…but say just one little thing about something to do with him or his life … such as, “I really don’t care for that TV show that you like..” and watch the shit hit the fan! So, while your empathy for him is in full-speed maximum overdrive, his empathy for you is non-existent. (Wake up, ladies!)
The narcissist will never change.
12) His procuring all the attention: Narcissists like to hog the limelight. If anybody else gets more attention than they do, they will feign a heart attack if need be to gain it back. If that tactic doesn’t work, then they’ll just let the ambulance take them away from the horror of the ‘situation’.
13) His assets: Even if ‘you’ paid for them. File for a divorce and watch all the assets just magically ‘disappear’. Boat? — it was stolen. Child support? — he just got laid off last Thursday. Rings? — what rings? You must have imagined them. “What are you talking about? We never had a retirement account! You’re crazy!”
14) His love: This is because he doesn’t have any.
15) His fake identity: I save this for last, but it is the most important. It is much safer living in the land of make-believe where his Visions of Grandeur preside, then to chance being exposed for the person he really is. Any threat to his ‘image’ will immediately be eliminated — and by any means possible.