Thank you for loving me at a time when loving me was incredibly difficult. Thank you for making me believe in love in a hopeless place.
Breakups are rough. There are very few things in the world that are easier to bare on an emotional level. In a real relationship, you invest so much of who you are into someone else. You give someone your heart in the hopes that you don’t end up getting hurt or betrayed. You share huge parts of your life with another person and you always give your maximum effort in making the relationship work. You always start things off with the best intentions, but sometimes not even the best intentions could ever be enough. Sometimes, love just isn’t always going to be enough. The earlier people accept that fact of life, the better off they will be.
Because of how much a person can put into a relationship, breakups are rarely ever light or happy. Breakups always carry the reputations of being emotionally draining, stressful, traumatic, and devastating. And there’s a good reason for that: love is the greatest thing in the world that we could all aspire for, and the loss of love is the most devastating thing that we are ever forced to bear. When we breakup with someone, we not only lose that person. But we lose all of our ideas of love. We lose all of our expectations for a life in eternal bliss and love with that one special person. That’s why breakups are bitter. Because disappointment often breeds bitterness. We all think that we are deserving of the love that we want, but that isn’t always the case. We are not entitled to anything. And when we are denied of the love that we want, we always have a natural tendency to retaliate with utmost hostility.
So it may be peculiar to read what I’m about to write here. This is not your usual breakup write-up. This isn’t going to be filled with hostility or bitterness. There is no hatred here. I will not be telling you that you are the worst thing to ever happen to me. I will not tell you that I wish you a life of eternal sadness and disappointment. I will not tell you that you are something I wish I never should have been associated with in my life. No. There will be none of that. Our breakup broke me as a person, but I am not going to be broken here. I would just like to take this opportunity to tell you that I’m thankful. I just want to say “thank you”.
I am incredibly thankful for the times that you chose to love me. Our relationship was a troubled one and it was never easy. It certainly couldn’t have been easy to love me the way that you did despite it all.
There was just so much toxicity and hostility in the way that we did things as a couple but you still chose to love me regardless of it all. Whenever I think of all those times that you still chose to love me, I start to wonder if I was ever even deserving of your love. I never even got to tell you how grateful I was that you chose to love me in both the good times and the bad; and there were definitely lots of bad times. You could have walked away. You could have acted childish. You could have been immature. You could have taken the low road. But you didn’t. You did the hardest thing that any person could have possibly done in that situation. You still chose to love me. And for that, I am eternally thankful.
Every time I catch myself thinking of your out-of-place love, I feel an immense wave of humility overcome me. Somehow, the thought of your undying love just rips me from the clouds and brings me back down to earth. It’s not something that I can even control. I break down and I wonder in confusion how you could ever love someone like me in a situation like that. I try to see things from every conceivable perspective; from all possible angles, but I can never seem to get to the bottom of it. But I guess that’s why I loved you too. It was part of your charm. It was just a part of what made you who you were as a person. Don’t doubt that I loved you as well. I just didn’t show it as well as you did. I was just never as consistent as you were. But I did truly love you. And now, I am grateful for having known you.
I know how much of a struggle I am to deal with. This writing is a perfect manifestation of my crazy. I am a mess. I am the epitome of life’s disorders. I have no semblance of structure or sense, but somehow you still managed to keep me together for the longest time. And even though we didn’t last, I know you tried your best, and for that you should be proud. Thank you, once more, for loving me even when I didn’t deserve to be loved. Thank you for loving me at a time when loving me was incredibly difficult. Thank you for making me believe in love in a hopeless place.