Leah Berenson
Leah Berenson
February 24, 2024 ·  2 min read

8 Signs You Were Brought Up By A Toxic Mother

Most mothers have a beautiful, everlasting bond with their children. Sometimes, because of a mother’s toxic behavior, that bond doesn’t exist. Identifying the problem is the first step to repairing the damage done by a toxic mother. It’s important that everyone knows the signs of a toxic relationship.

1. You’re Perplexed By Your Friends’ Relationships With Their Mothers

We all have that friend who calls their mother every single day and seems to actually enjoy the conversation. If you grew up with a toxic mother, the thought of talking to her on the phone probably fills you with anxiety. The common complaints other people share about their mothers seem silly compared to what you’ve experienced.

2. You Lack Assertiveness

Children with toxic mothers often become submissive out of fear of angering their mother. This submissiveness often follows people into adulthood or, in some cases, they overcompensate and become more assertive.

3. You Withhold Affection

Toxic mothers withhold affection from their children as a form of punishment. This emotional abuse results in adults who withhold affection from their partners. Take a deep look at your relationships; if you find yourself subconsciously using affection as a weapon, your upbringing may be to blame.

4. You’re Codependent

Toxic mothers love feeling needed, and they will go to extremes to ensure that their children always need them. If your mom was toxic, you might transfer this codependence to your partner or even your friends.

5. Just Thinking About Your Mother Makes You Feel Afraid Or Angry

Time doesn’t heal all wounds. The person who was supposed to love and support you abused you emotionally. It’s important to know that your fear and anger are justified but not let it define who you are.

6. You Constantly Put Others Before Yourself

In the mind of a toxic mother, their children exist to please them. If your mother put her wants and needs above yours, it makes sense that you would be conditioned to believe your hope and dreams are not as important as someone else’s.

7. You Seek Out Validation Or Reassurance

Adults raised by a toxic mother often seek out the reassurance and validation they never received as a child. Because of your relationship with your mother, you might find yourself staying in a bad or abusive relationship in the hopes that they’ll change.

8. You Suffer From Low Self-Esteem

Toxic mothers destroy self-esteem. Do you find yourself feeling inadequate or guilty for no reason? Are you constantly comparing yourself to others? Toxic mothers convince their children that they are bad or unworthy of her love. It is imperative that you remember you no longer have to live up to your mother’s, or anyone else’s, standards.

Do you agree with these signs of being raised by a toxic mother? Tell us about your experience, and feel free to invite your friends to the conversation. Everyone should be aware of the consequences of being raised by a toxic mother.