A lot of movies, t.v. shows, and articles talk about finding “The One,” but how can you be sure you’ve found yours? Here are 18 ways to find out!
They say that love at first sight belongs in cheesy love songs, chick flicks and racy novels. In today’s day and age that plays host to skyrocketing divorce rates, fast paced lifestyles and predominantly online human communication, it’s far better to take a closer look.
In fact, many experts agree that it is the smart thing to do. According to a blog piece published on The Economist, “Love at first sight exists, but it is not a very common basis for long-term relationships.” The aforementioned quote goes to show the initial attraction doesn’t always carry over to long-term togetherness.
The post also refers to research conducted by Ayala Malack-Pines, a psychologist in Israel. It says that, “A small fraction (11%) of people in long-term relationships said they began with love at first sight.” That is a very tiny number when compared to the 89% of other couples out there.
Although it’s not impossible to fall in love in the blink of an eye, it’s very important to know a person inside and out before committing yourself to them.
One of the reasons divorce rates have spiked in recent decades is because people nowadays rush into marriage without thinking it through first. Future goals, personalities, family life, careers and everything else come into play when deciding whom to spend the rest of your life with.
How can I know if our relationship can last a lifetime?
Obviously, you have to think of whether or not the person you’re with now is the one whom you can spend the rest of your life with. Still not completely sure what signs you should look for? Here are the top 18 things that tell you that your partner may indeed be “The One.”
#1 You have been together long term. They say that the relationships that last the longest are the ones that are showered with the most attention. Deciding if your partner is “The One” is obviously made significantly clearer if you have been together long term. The longer you know someone, the more likely you will be able to determine if you belong together.
#2 Your gut tells you so. Although going with your emotions is not the smartest way to judge if you have found “The One,” it plays a very important role in the grand scheme of things. You will have an inexplicable feeling in your heart that you have found the perfect one for you. You will know just like that when all the pieces are in place.
#3 The timing is perfect. You have heard stories about perfect relationships not working out because the timing was off. Do not underestimate the importance of timing when it comes to being with that special someone. Finding “The One” is hard enough and even when you do, the timing has to be right. For example, he could be getting ready to move across the world for his career when you first meet or she could be getting out of a bad relationship and is not ready to commit. Pushing through despite a rocky start to the relationship may already spell the doom of your relationship.
#4 You are at peace. When you are in a happy and healthy relationship, you should feel an overall sense of happiness and peace. Everyday stresses should take a backseat to the positive emotions that you feel when you are with “The One.” Though you may go through some rough patches, you still find solace in the fact that you’re in a relationship with someone whom you’re willing to fight through everything with.
#5 You want things that you never expected. The people who have our hearts possess an inexplicable power to change our minds. Being with “The One” will change your mind on many things. For example, you may have pegged yourself as someone who never wanted kids but when you find “The One,” there is a very high chance that you will change your mind, even more so if your partner wants children. Stability and security tend to do that to even the biggest of cynics. The same can be said for those who never believed in marriage.
When you meet the perfect person for you, long term commitment will seem like the natural thing to do and not something to be feared. The same can be said for doing things that you never thought you would ever attempt like backpacking though India or hiking the Andes.
#6 You love their flaws. You know that you have found “The One” when you can confidently say that you still love this person despite their flaws. It is a two way street and if your partner can say the same about you, who is to say that you were not meant to be?
#7 You’re not together out of loneliness. As is the case with any relationship, it is very important to determine why you are with your partner in the first place. If you can confidently say that you are together not just because you are afraid of being alone, you are on the right track. Many people make the mistake of thinking that they have found their soulmate, just because they cannot stand the thought of being alone.
#8 There is mutual respect. Love and respect go hand in hand, and you have to realize that one cannot function without the other. If there is a deep sense of mutual respect in your relationship, then you can confidently say that you have found a very important quality that “The One” should possess.
#9 You completely trust each other. If you cannot trust each other, then you might as well break up right now. There is no point in kidding yourself into believing that both of you can work it out without the presence of trust. Being able to wholeheartedly trust your partner is one of the major determinants when deciding if you have found “The One.”
#10 You wouldn’t change a thing. Many people go through hard times wishing that they had done things differently. However, you can be sure that you have found the one if you can confidently say that despite all the hardships and heartache that you have been through, you would not change anything at all. You’d willingly go through all those tough times if it means, in the end, you’ll be with your partner.
#11 You’re like Yin and Yang. Being in a relationship is all about complementing and bringing out the best in each other. If you get along with your other half famously in spite of your differences, then you know that you have found your perfect mate.
#12 You can’t imagine another life. Finding your soulmate is all about wanting to build a life together, and any other option that does not involve this person is unimaginable. If you want to know if the person you are with is really “The One,” then take a moment to visualize what life might be like without him or her. If the thought of not seeing this person everyday for the rest of your life hurts you beyond belief, then you have found a keeper.
#13 Being together is all that matters. The saying, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” certainly applies to relationships. When you have found “The One,” you will do anything to keep the relationship alive, no matter how impossible it seems. Whether it is going long distance until you can figure out a way to physically be together again, or moving to a foreign country to support your spouse’s career, being together is the top priority. Even though you know that life is going to be terrifyingly different, you do not mind taking that risk, if it means being with your partner.
#14 Sacrifices are easy to make. No one wants to make sacrifices for people they do not care about. Even if people are doing it for someone they love, it does not change the fact that giving something up is not easy. However, if you are sure that you have found “The One,” then sacrificing certain things are not that difficult to do. In fact, what would have been impossible to give up before will now seem that much simpler if you are doing it for someone you love.
#15 You share the same end goal. Being with someone special is not about looking at each other, but about looking in the same direction. Once you have determined that you guys share the same end goal, this person is probably the perfect one for you. Whether it is someday moving to Australia to travel the outback for a year, or buying a house in the country and raising a family, if you and your partner share the same goal, then you can chalk it up as a sign that you have found “The One.”
#16 Physical attraction is prevalent. Think quality instead of quantity. It may be true that those in brand new relationships have way more physical intimacy than those in long term ones. Real life and responsibilities tend to get in the way of a daily romp between the sheets. However, if you are still turned on by your partner after years of being together, then you have probably found the perfect one for you.
#17 You want to share everything. Having someone special in your life means having someone whom you can share everything with. From your deepest darkest fears to a detailed description of what you had for lunch, if you can open up and share everything with this person, then you can confidently say you’ve bared your soul to your soulmate. You want to share your past, your present and your future with this one person for the rest of your life.
#18 You’re completely yourself. This point is perhaps the most important one of all when determining if you have found your perfect match. If you can completely be yourself, then you definitely hit a home run in the love department. There is no more need to keep your defenses up or to try to impress your partner. What matters is that you love each other despite the little quirks and flaws.
It can take years of different life experiences to definitively know if your partner is “The One.” But if you open your eyes and look for these signs, you’ll learn if your relationship is worth keeping. When you see all these signs in your relationship, let us extend our congratulations for finding “The One!”