It’s 2018, and it’s time for some new rules. So, instead of trying to change yourself after the new year, get rid of relationships that are dragging you down.
Here are the 17 most toxic ones you need to leave behind.
1. The one who never listens
Talking to a brick wall is never fun, and especially if you love and/or fancy that brick wall. If your partner consistently devalues you by sitting on their phone or glazing over when you’re talking (especially after you’ve already spoken to them about it), that’s not a good sign.
2. The gaslighter
Gaslighting is when someone slowly manipulates you into thinking you’re crazy. This can start small (them insisting something insignificant you witnessed never happened) and gradually build until you have no idea what’s right or wrong anymore.
This is a major red flag, so if you start noticing them lying about things that are obviously true with no reason to do so, get out before it gets worse.
3. The ‘he’s not that into you’
If you haven’t read the book ‘He’s just not that into you’ you’ve probably heard of it. It’s a bit dated these days, but essentially aims to teach you one thing: Stop putting in the effort with people who aren’t giving it back.
If you feel like the effort is always on your end, what feels slightly disappointing now can become full-blown resentment in the future. Let them do some of the legwork if they’re actually bothered.
4. The four-day replier
Replying to texts seems like a petty thing to be bothered about. But it’s usually about a lot more than them replying to ‘wuu2’. There’s no way someone can’t find a minute in their day to send one quick message or briefly call to check in. No one’s expecting a 24/7 chinwag, but an update every so often shows they’re thinking of you.
Forget people who play games waiting on some aloof ‘right’ time to get back to you. We’re all grown-ups here, and waiting by your phone is so last year.
5. The one who’s always right
You can have evidence in the form of a hasty Google search, but still they’ll insist they’re right. This is exhausting. Nothing wrong with a healthy debate, but if someone is so stubborn they refuse to ever see your point of view, you’ll always be getting shot down.
Sure, you could decide to never bring up anything controversial again, but it might make watching Question Time a struggle.
6. The bad arguer
Arguing is necessary in a healthy relationship. It could be over who takes the bins or the fact they didn’t laugh at your joke, but the main thing is how you get past it. Someone who gets shouty, aggressive, defensive, or doesn’t care about your point of view is draining. Imagine growing old with someone who can’t even say sorry. Nah.
7. The never-arguer
In the same vein, an avoidant personality can drag out a fight. It’s not nice to argue, but if it means everything is calmly being let out in the open then it’s for the best. Someone who refuses to talk about difficult things will bottle up their emotions until they explode, and you better hope you’re not there when it happens.
8. The set in their ways one
Never get into a relationship with someone that you need to change is something I’ve always believed. Saying this, there should be some level of flexibility there. Do they actually have room for you in their life, or are you trying you slot yourself into a space that just isn’t there? If you have to force it, it might just be wrong.
9. The unsupportive one
One of the nicest things about being in a relationship is that you can share your successes together, and also have someone to pick you up when you’re feeling low. If that isn’t there you don’t feel like partners in crime, more acquaintances in tedium. Make sure you start the new year with someone you can’t wait to call when you get a promotion, and who will be your number one cheerleader (while you’re theirs too).
10. The needy one
This support should be an equal mix of give and take. Don’t just leave someone at their lowest ebb, but don’t let yourself be used as a free therapist rather than a girlfriend or boyfriend. You should be able to be vulnerable too, and if someone needs you more than they seem to want you, it’s not a relationship they’re after.
11. The one who ‘stashes’ you
Stashing was one of the horrible dating trends of last year. Are they reluctant to let you meet family and friends? Do they seem to have you in completely separate life compartment? There’s a reason for that, and it’s either that they want to hide you, or they have something to hide from you. Neither of those end well.
12. Absolutely anyone who won’t wear condoms
When you’re in an exclusive relationship, you’ve both been tested, and you’ve got contraception sorted there’s a case for not rubbering up. But, if any of those things aren’t set in stone and they refuse to wear a condom then run as fast as you can. Essentially, they’re putting your sexual health in danger as well as anyone else’s they’re sleeping with or may sleep with after you. The least attractive trait ever.
13. The serial private messager
Having pals you chat to is nothing to worry about. But, what is a warning sign is somebody that always seems to be messaging randoms on social media. You don’t know who they are, and they’re not quick to mention it unless someone else brings it up or you see for yourself.
Instead of constantly wondering about their intentions, move on. If it was all above-board they’d have been open and honest in the first place.
14. The commitment-phobe
Marriage and babies aren’t something to bring up straight off the bat, but what do you do if they recoil at the words boyfriend/girlfriend after you’ve been seeing each other for ages? Respect their decision and be with someone who want to be with you, that’s what.
15. The pusher
Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t want commitment in this scenario, and instead of them being able to let go and get what they deserve they’re trying to make you want what they do. Do the right thing, and make the break for them.
16. The drama queen
It’s never easy with some people in relationships. With no chance of a snuggle on the sofa and an episode of Dinner Date, you’re either fighting or being proposed to.
If life is a rollercoaster, you do not have to ride it as Ronan Keating said. You can get off, and save yourself the hassle.
17. The common or garden liar
I am petrified of people that can lie to my face, and would rather be with someone who can’t stop the word-vomit than a casual fibber. Once you know someone can lie without thinking about it, the trust will be gone. Don’t become one of those people who don’t know their spouse has a second family.
Obviously, communication is key in love, and if you run away at every hurdle you’ll struggle long-term. However, you deserve to be treated right, and to quote another Dua Lipa song, you shouldn’t stay with someone just because you’re ‘scared to be lonely’.
Start 2018 doing what’s right for you.