Why People Who Date Over-Thinkers Have Happier Relationships

By Mandy Pustelniac – Thought Catalog

You don’t like to admit it yourself because it makes you sound insecure, but you know you’re an overthinker. You overthink things like the type of smile someone gave you (were they really happy to see you or were they just being nice?) and the fact that you tripped on the sidewalk the other day and you’re wondering whether or not everyone who looks at you is remembering you as “the girl who embarrassed herself”. (P.S. they’re not, everyone definitely forgot about it 10 seconds after it happened.)

Now you finally found a person who seems to like everything about you. They say all the right things after you struggle to think of a reply that won’t make you seem too eager, or that won’t give away the fact that you’ve only been talking to the person for a few days and already like them so much. But as you get to know the other person, you realize that they’re also an overthinker. They read and re-read their replies to you just as you do for them. And you know that because either they tell you or their messages contain no typos or grammatical errors… and usually that doesn’t happen unless you go through and edit what you wrote (I overthought that).

But as you keep talking to the person, you realize that they’re not so scary after all. So maybe you tell them that you are a major overthinker.

And maybe they tell you that they are, too.

And after that moment of sharing your mutual tendencies to overthink everything, whatever you two are develops into the possibility of a relationship. After learning that the person you like is also an overthinker, you see that you’re in this together. You realize that maybe you don’t need to filter every single thing you say because the other person will understand. They are no longer viewed as godly or unreachable; they are right in front of you. And they understand your insecurities and your mastered talent of overthinking. Now, when you are talking to the other person, you don’t have to overthink as much because they will understand if you say something dumb.

So maybe you’ll only re-read your text once. Maybe you’ll be with the person and you’ll want to say something but you’ll think “Is this okay to say? Is it too soon for me to say this?” You’ll just say it. And the other person will appreciate the fact that you’re being honest with them and opening up a little more than you would have if they weren’t an overthinker as well. And if you do happen to say something dumb, you can just say “Can you tell that I didn’t overthink that?” and laugh about it together. And believe it or not, the other person will probably like you even more because they see that you’re nervous, too. They’ll see that you make mistakes, too. They’ll feel less nervous around you because they’ll know that if they say something dumb, you’ll understand because you’ve definitely been in their shoes before.

You’ll quickly grow to be more comfortable around one another because slowly but surely, you’ll stop overthinking things with them. Things will simply become easy with the other person.

And you’ll both be happier because of it.

Because you’ll be able to be your goofy, fallible self. And the other person will fall in love with YOU, not with the you that overthinks things and tries to be perfect. You lose yourself when you try to be perfect. Darling, embrace your quirks because the person you’re with will love you for them. And he’ll hope you’ll love his, too. And when you’re lying on the couch with him, laughing about how your outfit couldn’t be farther away from matching, you’ll remember that your relationship all began with a lot of overthinking. And you’ll think “Oh how boring it was to overthink everything.”

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