They always say that you are the company you keep. But what if your “company” seems to be consuming your whole sense of self? Who are you then? If you can relate and have a few people in mind that you’re fighting this battle with, here are some telltale signs that you may be handicapping them even further by compromising your boundaries.
You’re abandoning your own problems
Being the caring and generous friend, partner or family member that you are, you feel a pressing need to help this person with their issues before worrying about your own. Take a step back. Even though you may want to cater to their needs, you have enough on your plate to take on. Prioritize yourself and what’s directly affecting your life, and you’ll be in a better position to be of service to others.
They still lash out to you about their misery
You might think your loved one is holding on to you for dear life because you’re all they’ve got; you may be the only one they can trust. While these reasons may be true, you could also be giving them the wrong signals. By allowing them to pile their gloom onto you, you’re enabling them by showing them that it’s OK to feel victimized and load others with baggage. Don’t be afraid to put your foot down. Show them you care about them, but you can only do so much to help. If they truly value you, they’ll understand and (hopefully) recognize the lines that they may be overstepping.
You feel guilty if you don’t check up on them every couple of days
Negative people may guilt you into thinking that you’re not calling them, visiting them, talking to them or just simply doing enough for them to show them that you care. Don’t be fooled. We all have our own lives to live, and you can’t be living in the shadows of your Debbie Downer. If they don’t notice nor appreciate your time and attention, it says more about them than about you. You’re doing the best you can do.
You always feel physically, mentally and emotionally drained because of them
After a long day, the last thing you want to come home to is more stress and “work.” You feel powerless, exhausted and emotionally SPENT because of the anger and pain they’re pouring out onto you and because of all the energy you’re putting into making them feel better (physically and metaphysically). Take care of your mental health. Reclaim your power by spending time alone or with your high-vibe tribe. Treat yourself to a day at the spa or a relaxing picnic in the park.
They make you feel discouraged about your own problems
Rather than taking the necessary steps to improve their own situation, negative people criticize you and your issues because they are so unhappy with their own lives. They try to downplay their own faults by making yours seem exponentially greater. Remember, normal people don’t just go around and bash other people. Nobody’s perfect. Don’t think for a second that their words reflect anything about you—you’re giving them too much power. Hold onto your truth, your true potential and your big heart to see past their issues. Those are the things that deserve your power.