Over the past few months, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), has not only given me a better understanding of what is going on with myself but also helped me realize that I grew up with this disorder. For those who do not know, BPD is a mental health condition that effects about 14 million Americans in their lifetime. Growing up I was told I had depression and anxiety. I, however, knew that there had to be more going on in my minds. Here are 5 signs that you grew up with Borderline Personality Disorder.
1. You have trouble maintaining relationships.
Growing up maintaining friendships was always hard for me. I was always different then everyone. My main problem however was when I would out of nowhere for no reason stop having feelings or connections with a person. One day I feel comfortable talking and hanging out and then the next I was pushing away and isolating myself. I always thought there was something wrong with me and that I would never allow anyone to stick around. Now that I am older and learning about my disorder I know that I am capable of keeping and making new relationships I just have to trust.
2. You’re overly emotional.
Sensitive was an understatement when it came to my emotions. I was a constant wreck growing up! Always crying for little reason. Someone could tell me they like my shirt and I would automatically assume that they were making fun of me. Whenever I would get in trouble for talking in class I would cry. I also worried about little things too. I would go to spend the night places and would worry and have mental images of my house burning down. Now with my medication I have my emotions somewhat under control.
3. You make impulsive decisions.
Over the years when I got older I began to do spontaneous things without even thinking. When I was in the 7th grade I decided to dye my hair. Over the years it changed from blonde, to brown, to red and one time even pink! All of my tattoos were impulsive decisions. When I get into a mood I just feel like changing something in hopes that everything will change.
4. Your mood is constantly up and down.
One minute you are happy. One minute you are sad. When you have BPD life is like a roller-coaster. You honestly never know how you would feel. Since I was little I remember sometimes I would wake up happy and then ten minutes later be crying because, well, I don’t know why. Now that I am on medication I am able to control the wishy washy feelings a little more then I use to.
5. You struggle with uncontrollable anger.
Anger. Uncontrollable anger. Anger as in hitting, punching, yelling, screaming anger. When I was little my anger spells were so bad my parents swore I was Bipolar. Not only was I a harm to others I was also a harm to myself.
Growing up I didn’t think I was normal. However, as I grew and found out I have Borderline Personality Disorder, I learned that I have been my own kind of normal all along. We are all “normal” in our different ways and BPD is normal to me.