The effects of psychological and narcissistic abuse come with many devastating consequences, but there are two that almost no one knows about–unless they’re a doctor or neuroscientist.
In fact, these two outcomes may be the most destructive result of emotional trauma over the long-term and is an added reason why–if you have children with a narcissistic partner–you should try to leave as soon as reasonably possible.
By now, most of us know that repeated emotional trauma leads to both PTSD and C-PTSD, which should be reason enough to leave an abusive partner. But, what many people don’t realize is that over time, these repeated emotional injuries shrink the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory and learning, while enlarging the amygdala, which houses primitive emotions such as fear, grief, guilt, envy, and shame.
In a study conducted by a team of the University of New Orleans and Stanford University researchers, patients with the highest baseline cortisol (a stress hormone) and greater number of PTSD symptoms had the greatest decreases in hippocampal volume over time.
In other words, the longer you stay with an emotionally abusive partner, the more deterioration you can expect of your hippocampus. It can be easily understood how this neurological process may enhance feelings of confusion, cognitive dissonance, and abuse amnesia in victims of narcissistic and psychopathic abuse.
Narcissists keep their victims in a constant state of anxiety and fear, which in turn causes their victims to react from his or her amygdala. The amygdala is responsible for the fight or flight reaction.
Victims of narcissistic abuse live in this state almost daily. Over time, the amygdalae remember the things we felt, saw, and heard each time we had a painful experience.
Even after the toxic relationship has ended, victims suffer PTSD, C-PTSD, panic attacks, phobias, and more… due to the triggering of their primal fears by their overactive amygdalae. Out of these fears, targets of narcissistic abuse often engage in primitive defense mechanisms including (but not limited to):
Denial – Victims use denial to escape dealing with painful feelings or areas of their life they don’t want to admit.
Compartmentalization – Victims pigeonhole the abusive aspects of the relationship in order to focus on the positive aspects.
Projection – Victims project their traits of compassion, empathy, caring, and understanding onto their abuser, when in fact, narcissists and other emotional abusers possess none of those traits.
Narcissistic abuse changes your brain
According to Goleman, everything we learn, everything we read, everything we do, everything we understand, and everything we experience counts on the hippocampus to function correctly. “The continual retention of memories demands a large amount of neuronal activity.
In fact, the brain’s production of new neurons and laying down connections to others takes place in the hippocampus.” Basically, a bunch of stuff takes place in the brain when you are emotionally abused by a narcissist. The part of your brain that learns and adapts (hippocampus) actually shrinks when cortisol (stress) is a constant factor.
Goleman explained, “Cortisol stimulates the amygdala while it impairs the hippocampus, forcing our attention onto the emotions we feel, while restricting our ability to take in new information”
But, there is hope. There are reparative activities you can do to restore and rebuild your hippocampus and stop the hijacking of your psyche by your amygdala.
What to do
Luckily, as brain scans have now shown (thanks to the magic of neuroplasticity), it is possible for the hippocampus to regrow. An effective method includes the use of EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). One recent study showed that 8 to 12 sessions of EMDR for patients with PTSD showed an average of a 6% increase in the volume of their hippocampi.
EMDR is also beneficial for counteracting the hyperarousal of the amygdala, allowing the brain to more appropriately direct what needs to happen rather than remain stuck and unnecessarily trigger problematic emotions.
Other methods that have been shown to repair both the hippocampus and amygdala include:
Guided meditation – Recent studies from Harvard University show that daily meditation can help repair the brain by actually rebuilding the brain’s gray matter. Study participants who spent an average of 27 minutes per day practicing “mindfulness” exercises showed a major increase in the density of the hippocampus and amygdala and associated reductions in stress, compared to a control group.
Aromatherapy and essential oils
Performing acts of kindness – simple, daily practice of altruism can dramatically alter your outlook on the world.
EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) – helps correct the biochemical short-circuiting that occurs with chronic anxiety.
Of course, the first course of action would be to plan and implement an exit strategy. It takes time to recover from narcissistic abuse and one short encounter can set you back enormously.